Even My Neighbor's Dog Is Pregnant

The newest fashion item around town seems to be the much touted “baby bump.” Sadly, I had my latest one a season earlier so I’m currently without the hip accessory. What can I say, I’m always passé when it comes to trends. It seems every time I find myself at the checkout counter some tabloid headline is blaring about a skanky starlet whose tummy is looking suspiciously distended, well, where I come from that’s called being bloated from greasy pizza at lunch. The current census report shows America is experiencing a baby boom, especially in Utah were one in three households is married with children. So that had me asking, why all the procreation? Fortunately there’s a blog entry on lds.net that has a logical theory- God is sending his reinforcements for the last days. “Obedience in maternity clothes,” remarks one believing commenter. Huh? I was surprised to see the blogger was “Vanessa” and not FLDS prophet Warren Jeffs because he had a similar argument when he was urging the women in Colorado City to have a baby a year. No Vanessa, I don’t think that’s the reason lots of people are getting pregnant. I don’t know what it is, but I plan on having another child in two years and only because I read Angelina Jolie isn’t done having kids.