Racism

Growing up in Utah I rarely encountered racism as our area was so white, there was no one except women to be prejudice against. In my 20's I lived in the liberal northeast where I was again blind to racism as there was too much diversity and openmindedness to single anyone out. Presently, I'm living in the South and my eyes have been opened and now I see what I've only heard about and thought long dead.

I met with a faculty colleague this week who told me stories of students refusing to take her courses after they arrived and saw she was black. Then today, I got talking outside with my neighbor who said he was reluctantly voting for McCain because when it came down to it, "I just can't bring myself to vote for a black man." This said as the neighbors behind us, who are black, sat on their back patio enjoying a holiday weekend with their extended family. I prayed they hadn't heard him as I now understood why his daughter doesn't go outside when their children are out playing with mine. How can you slur such a beautiful family because of their skin color? (For full disclosure, my neighbor is Asian). The worst part is my mother-in-law won't vote for Obama, which is fine and she gives several reasons why, except my husband and I agree that the largest part of it is because he's black and I suspect she still hasn't gotten over blacks being "cursed."

I'm encouraged that a black man stands to gain the presidency of this country, but his candidacy is uncovering an ugliness that has long been hiding behind the fake pleasantries of suburbia. It is my hope that in my lifetime, I will see a day when this country can leave behind its obsession with color and concentrate its efforts on issues that will lift us all up, no matter our race.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I'm still trying to loose the weight put on with my last pregnancy, but admittedly I'm awful at diets. Recently while shopping at Costco, I bought an industrial-sized box of Fiber One Oats & Chocolate Chewy Bars and I won't deny I was swayed by the "Best Life" logo on the box. (This is the diet program Oprah's health guru Bob Greene developed) I don't know how these bars are that great for you--they have corn syrup in them, but they taste like a bar made from Samoa Girl Scout cookies and in my mind, that's a taste from heaven.

Well Golly Gee

I heard an interesting story the other day. It seems a woman has been going around to wards in the Ogden, UT, area and towards the end of sacrament meeting she goes up to the pulpit and launches into a lecture on how people use “Golly,” “Gosh,” and “Geez” too much. I have a feeling Napoleon Dynamite is not her favorite film. Most likely she needs some help from LDS services, or she’s confused and thinks the Sunday for testimony meeting varies from ward to ward, but my hat’s off to her as surveys repeatedly show that people fear public speaking more than death and she’s apparently the exception. Somehow, someone got a picture of her and it’s been sent to area bishops along with a letter explaining the situation. This got me wondering, have other such photos of troublemakers gone out to bishops, and is my photo hanging in a church office somewhere? Maybe that’s why I was escorted from Gospel Doctrine the last time I tried to attend, or maybe it’s because I tried to ask a question.

Come Out Tonight and Dance By The Light of the Moon

My favorite holiday has always been Halloween and each year I look forward to the costume catalogs arriving in my mailbox. The catalog I’ve ordered my kids animal costumes from for the last four years arrived today and without looking, I tossed it into the backseat of the van, telling them to pick one out as I drove the family bus. I could tell from my oldest son’s silly comments that I’d made a rookie parent mistake. When we got home I grabbed the catalog and quickly thumbed through it. The first ten pages were the cute kiddie costumes I adore, but the following pages looked like a mailer you’d get from a sex shop.

It seems that in the years I’ve been fawning over Tom Arma© skunk costumes, and trying to find the perfect tights to match a spider hat, adults costumes have taken their cue from porn stars. Since when is it appropriate to wear a French Maid costume to work? Apparently at Halloween as last year we took the folks to our favorite local family restaurant only to find the waitresses trying to pass off fishnets and handcuffs as part of their annual costume contest. When they came around for our table’s votes, my celestial sex partner and my dad were all too happy to vote for the one with the most cleavage spilling out of her Cinderella dress. And from looking at the catalog it seems every career uniform has been sexualize in some way--teachers, nurses, Jane Jetson, even the Statue of Liberty! Plus, what mom wouldn't want to dress up as a "Supa Pimp Mama" to give out candy?

I miss the old days when Halloween was about getting to be that person/thing you’d secretly always wanted to be (and no, a harlot doesn’t count), staying out late on a weeknight, and seeing who could fill up a whole pillow case with candy. Now it seems to be about what everything else seems to be about- sex. So this year after I've donned my usual witch’s hat and velvet dress, I’ll get a good laugh when my celestial sex partner comes out in the new “Hottie Soottie” kilt I've ordered since he's so eager to embrace a sexier Halloween.

When a "Man Town" Turns Into a City

In American culture there exists a phenomenon called the “Man Town” or “Man Cave” that often takes the form of an office, den, garage, or media room. My household is no exception as my celestial sex partner has a room of his own where he's picked all of the décor and can do those things that interest just him, i.e. video games. This is also true for my parent’s house where my dad has an office, junk-stuffed garage, a shed even more packed, and a greenhouse- same for my grandfather, same for my brothers-in-law. Recently I’ve noticed these Man Towns have a tendency to populate, leading to an urban sprawl that spills over into other rooms. Am I alone in my observation? I know a few female friends who have their own rooms, usually for crafts and scrapbooking, but by and large, it’s usually the men who have their own space to lounge. Why do you think this is? Could it be some holdover from the 60’s? Do women not feel they are deserving of such a space, and when a new baby comes, why is it their space that is most likely to be sacrificed?

By The Numbers

My celestial sex partner and I had an interesting discussion the other night after I read an article about how the world’s population will be nearing 7 BILLION in 2011, and is projected to reach 9 BILLION by 2042. Neither of us are great at math and were couldn’t get the calculator to work with those numbers, but we were wondering if there is approx 13 MILLION active LDS by the time the earth’s population reaches 7 BILLION, what percentage of the earth’s inhabitants will be Mormon? Anyone out there able to figure that out? We decided on 13 million LDS as that’s the current number given and we know not all of those are active members.

These numbers gave rise to a few questions we debated:
1- At the rate LDS missionary work is going and the population is growing, approximately how long will it take to reach all of the earth’s inhabitants with the church’s message?
2- If God wants us all to accept Mormonism as the earth’s true faith, then why are so few of the earth inhabitants members?
3- If God is as powerful as they say, then why is it taking so long for his message to get out to people? Why not use a more efficient means than missionaries?
4- We often hear from the pulpit that not all members will make it to the celestial kingdom, so with membership being so small when compared to the earth’s population, why are so few going to make it back to God’s presence if he loves us?

Do you have any of the answers, if so, please share!

Boys Will Be Boys

As we’ve gotten into our thirties, I’ve noticed the men in our age group have gotten more outwardly competitive. It seems that if my celestial sex partner gets a new piece of yard equipment, a week later our 30-something neighbor has the same thing or better, if my celestial sex partner has a male co-worker who gets a new techno gadget, a day later he begs for the same whistle and bell. I’ve always seen woman as being competitive with each other, but now I think the men are worse. Don’t believe me? Our ward is chock-full of 30-something couples and today he came home with an elder’s quorum “invitation” (in Mormondom this means a photocopied piece of white paper) to an adult pinewood derby. As if it wasn’t bad enough to vicariously compete through your sons when they hit this annual rite of passage, now the men have decided to just outright slug it out on the mock track. The best part of the invitation was this sentence, “Light refreshments will be served for your munching enjoyment so please sign up to bring a favorite snack or dessert.” That’s Mormon hospitality for you, here’s what will be served and you’re going to bring it, of course this is male code for, “what your wife should prepare” as let’s get real, how often does the male partner of a relationship actually worry about the food for an event? Nope, they’re too worried about their derby car weighing in at five ounces. And yeah, our car is going to kick your car’s ass.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

Every Sunday to get out of writing a full blog entry, I recommend a product or idea that I've found helpful in my life. While thumbing through a magazine yesterday, I was reminded of an item that I rarely think about, but it sure makes my sex life a whole lot better and few American women use it. It's the IUD and if you've had a baby and haven't tried it afterwards, then you're missing out! I love mine so much that when the doctor took it out so I could get pregnant with our second child, I told him I wanted to keep it as a necklace charm I loved it so much. It's over 99.8 percent effective (higher than sterlization), completely reversible, and once it's in, you don't even know it's there. So, if you're tired of the werewolf effects of birth control or other hormone methods (my IUD is nonhormonal) and you're a mom like me who can't ever remember all her kids names, let alone remember to take a pill, then try an IUD and free your mind of one more hassle. Your celestial sex partner will thank you for it!

Cain Or One Of The Three Nephites Exits Mortality?

For those who read my earlier post on connections between Mormonism, Bigfoot, Cain, and the Three Nephites. Here's a tantalizing update from The New York Times if you want to be the life of the party in gospel doctrine class this Sunday. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/us/15bigfoot.html?em

My guess, this is a big hoax for a couple of rednecks to drum up some business. They're holding a press conference today a noon PST to offer up more photos and DNA. If I'm wrong about this being a marketing scheme, and it is Bigfoot, well, I'll eat those entrails sitting on Bigfoot's tummy.

Inked and thus Unemployable, Inked and thus Mortal

Bountiful, Utah, a city preferred by the Mormon elite, has passed a new policy whereby anyone with a visible tattoo will not be able to work for the city (there is a grandfather clause for those already hired). While I personally don’t care for tattoos, I don’t think anyone should be passed over for being mayor, garbage man, tax collector or city manager just because they have “I love my mom” tattooed on their lower arm (though anything offensive would be an exception). Members of the inking community say this policy will never stand up in court and I have to agree. It is free speech. What do you think?

Recently I’ve noticed tattoos on several people I know to be faithful LDS and I have to admit it makes them more intriguing to me as a little ink is a clear sign that at some point in their lives they’ve gone against the norm. (Check out the guy with the LDS prophet tattoos below) While on a playdate last week I looked down and noticed one of the mothers, the most staunch in the group, had a tat on her ankle. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to ask her about it, but the best story behind a tattoo I’ve heard was from a friend who got his while serving a mission. He said it was like a symbol of himself fighting to survive beneath the suit of missionary monotony. While President Hinckley described tattoos as “graffiti on the temple of the body,” it seems some members have no problem tagging themselves, except for those already living in the celestial kingdom of Bountiful who’ve decided they can’t be paying their water bill to woman with a butterfly on her neck.

Do you have a tattoo? If so, what it is and why did you get it? Would you ever get one and if so, what would it be? What is your perception of a person with a tattoo?

When Should Childhood Nudity Stop?

As mentioned in an earlier post, I attended a family reunion last week and got to be in the presence of the one man in American who knows everything. My brother-in-law, who is a seminary principal, is certain he has everything figured out and he’s more than happy to dispense his wisdom to whoever is within range of his voice. Never mind that his education is from the University of Phoenix and the farthest he’s ever traveled is to West Coast on a mission. When one of my baby’s was undergoing a life threatening surgery, he had the audacity to e-mail that we should do his baby blessing immediately so he wouldn’t die, not something any mother wants to hear at that stressful moment. I don’t think anyone has ever said something to make me angrier, but at my celestial sex partner’s request I kept a lid on my fury.

So, when we saw him at the family reunion it was a given that he’d say something infuriating or just plain stupid. My baby (who remains unblessed, but survived) has been suffering from heat rash and being outside during the family reunion wasn’t helping so I removed all of his clothes except for his diaper while we say in the shade.“Whoa, get some clothes on that baby!” He said and my husband and I laughed thinking he was joking. Problem was, he wasn’t. He went on, “The other day my neighbor’s son, Ezra, was out playing with a hose- they’re Bible freaks, anyway the kid was nude. I mean the kid is two (he holds his fingers up), TWO,” he spits. “So I pulled up and told his dad to get some clothes on that kid. You just can’t let your kids run around naked, there’s gotta be a cut off,” he said.

My CSP and I spoke that unspoken marital language with our eyes and we both agreed he was an idiot. Our silence made him uncomfortable, which I enjoyed. Earlier that week I’d let my four-year-old swim in the backyard kiddie pool naked because the baby was already in it, nude I might add, and I couldn’t leave him alone to go upstairs and get my older child's swimsuit, plus I didn't really care. I’d won't let him go in the front yard like that, but when he was two I saw no problem with it if the occasion arose.

What do you think, are nude kids something to be chastised over? Where do you think the age “cut off” is for public childhood nudity?

An Open Letter to Sister B. Beck

I consider myself a feminist, but I’ll be the first to tell you the present definition of that term is murky. Basically, I believe women, like all people, should be free to make the decisions that will make their lives fulfilling while I realize there are systems of oppression in place that can sometimes make this difficult and cause women to think they have autonomy when they don’t.

I read your conference talk back in the fall of ’07, and had a mixed reaction because while I agreed with some of your points, your words lessened the support of women choosing to use their free agency in a way different than yourself. Now, due to the recent Sunstone panel discussion, the controversy has been revived.
(Readers, here it is if you need a refresher: http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=2a4826cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1)

Below are my thoughts on three of your “mothers who know” points and I feel qualified to make them as a woman with advanced education that had a successful career in a male dominated industry which I temporarily gave up to be a stay-at-home mother who now struggles to maintain my sanity/identity while being criticized as a heretic by the church and a traitor by the radical feminists.

First off, the title, “Mothers Who Know,” implies that those mothers who don’t fulfill the role as you’re advocating aren’t “in the know” and therefore are lesser mothers. Why must women be continually pitted against one another, by one another?

Mothers Who Know Bear Children
While I agree with the statement that “children…are our greatest jewels,” I disagree that “faithful daughters of God bear children” and that “young couples should not postpone having children.” Furthermore, the statement that children are “becoming less valued” in many cultures in the world couldn’t be more false.

Having children isn’t for everyone and wouldn’t the world be a better place if those awful mothers who leave their kids in a hot car to die while they buy meth knew that before having those children? In a world made up of individual preference, bearing children will not be the goal for every woman and it’s the smart women who know where their interests lie and don’t feel obligated to do the things that simply don’t interest them. Think of how great this world would be if there were no unwanted children and no guilty mothers?

Sister Beck, young couples should postpone having children to a certain point if they choose, especially in a religion where many marry at an age below the national average. My husband and I waited seven years to begin having children because we wanted to ensure that we knew who we were and what we wanted as individuals, that our marriage would be an eternal success, and that we had both received a full education that lead us to financial stability. By not waiting to have children until after you’ve received an education or discovered yourself as an individual, the risk is high that these women will never do either of those things leading to problems later in life. Time and time again research shows that a mother who is educated elevates her chances of being successful in raising intelligent and happy children (read the book Freakonomics for some statistics) and she herself will have a more fulfilling life.

Lastly, we do exist in a time where couples are having fewer children but this doesn’t mean that choice is being made because children are “becoming less valued.” If anything, parents make that decision because their children are highly valued and they want to ensure they have the means (temporal and spiritual) available to raise their offspring as they deem best. We are no longer an agricultural society that needs large families, instead we have modern economic constraints and time pressures that force us to evaluate as parenting partners how our resources are best spent on the number of children we’re comfortable with. It’s what YOU decide and no one should see it as a sign of how much you value your children whether they be 1, 15, or like you, 3.


Mothers Who Know Honor Sacred Ordinances and Covenants
Sister Beck, there was only one sentence in this section I found objectionable. “They bring daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection; their sons wear white shirts and ties and have missionary haircuts.” Really? This should be my priority as a mother? Is it yours? When I help get the kids ready for church I’m lucky if I can convince them to have matching socks let alone worry their hair isn’t standing on end. And the term “perfection” is a standard women have been battling against for ages—can you really brush hair to such benevolence? Also, you pointed out the boys were dressed in WHITE shirts and had MISSIONARY haircuts- that irked me. This goes back to my earlier post on Cyborg Children, must even our children conform in their dress? What of that ten year old boy who wants the “shaggy” cut his classmates are wearing, must a “mother who knows” quash such rebellion to meet your standard and risk a larger mutiny later?

Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers
Okay Sister Beck, this is where I got mad and signed the “Women Who Know” petition. These two sentences set women in the church back decades, “Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world.” I looked up nurturing in both the thesaurus and dictionary and nowhere did I see the term “homemaking.” I did find develop, education, strengthen and nourish and all are done in my home without me being the best cook, laundress, dishwasher, and organizer in the world. In fact, I don’t enjoy doing any of those chores because throughout history they were “women’s work” and I’d like to think we’ve evolved to where it’s everyone’s work, including my husband's. He claims you turned in a talk to the General Authorities that said the brethren should do more work around the house and you were surprised by what came up on the teleprompter instead, how much better than would make me feel.

Lastly Sister Beck, if you think home is where I have the most power and influence, then you’re right, but get me in a board room lady and you’ll see that same power and influence. That’s right, there are Mormon women who can rule in both worlds and do it without being the “best homemaker in the world.” All women should be free to choose what makes them happy and not feel guilty about that happiness, no matter how it comes. And that Sister Beck, is what I know.

Your Thoughts?

This is one of my favorite topics so I couldn't pass it up over the weekend. This past Friday at the Sunstone Symposium they had panel called, "Mormon Motherhood: Choice or Destiny?" and it was mostly a discussion on Julie Beck's General Conference talk, "Mothers Who Know." http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700249373,00.html?pg=1 Your "homework assignment" for the weekend is to read this Des. New article about it. Here's one of the responses the article garnered, what do you think about it? On Monday I'll post my thoughts on the whole debacle, including something a little surprising.

I sustain Sister Beck 3:54 p.m. Aug. 8, 2008
Let's get one thing clear here... The LDS church is not a democracy. If you have a problem with the doctine either get over it or leave, it's that simple. The doctrine of the church comes from God, not from men, so who are men (and women) to question the authority and doctrines of God? Come on people! You can argue and 'discuss' all you want, but that will never change the facts or the church's stand on issues. Sister Beck's talk was inspired and would not have been allowed in conference if it was not directly in line with the church's teachings. I find it interesting that a mere 500 women who have taken issue with this talk are getting such media coverage when there are over 5 or 6 million women in the church and the rest of us were uplifted by this talk and grateful to hear it.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

Every Sunday to get out of writing a full blog entry, I write about a product I use and have found to be of "good report and praiseworthy." This week I want to tell you about a Salt Lake City business called So Cupcake www.socupcake.com I realize most of my readers are outside of Utah, but knowing that most of you do/will visit Salt Lake City sometime in your life, I'm hoping you'll support this local business at 3939 S. Highland Drive.

It's only been open five months and was inspired by Celina, a young girl living with cerebral palsy who wanted to open a cupcake shop with her parents help. While in SLC this week, and upon the urging of my sisters who are always on top of Utah trends, I visited So Cupcake where I was delighted to find an array of flavors topped with fanciful frostings and tasty embellishments. You must try the German Chocolate, Lemon, Coconut, and Red Velvet. So, the next time you're in town, support a dream and make your mouth happy.

Do Families Have To Be Forever?

Forgive me if this reads like a jumble, but I’m exhausted from a week of reuniting with family. Sometimes I wonder why we subject ourselves to the yearly ritual of traveling to meet with obscure relatives only to melt in the sun and hear Uncle Udell tell the same stories he told last year (while wearing a powder blue leisure suit). It seems that Utah family reunions have a pattern of sorts- first, homemade root beer must be served, second, a quilt or some sewing/craft project will be performed, third, undecipherable genealogy sheets or journal copies should be passed around, lastly, someone must say something that launches a dispute that will last until the next family reunion. (More on this tomorrow)


My fraternal grandmother, who may hold the record for most LDS missions served, has not picked up the phone in almost a decade to call me. Instead, she prefers to send yearly notes (sometimes partially photocopied) lamenting how she’s just so busy with the church to fly two hours to visit or even call. I didn’t make it out to my fraternal reunion, but this year my grandmother remarked to my mom that she couldn’t ever connect with me and my sisters because we “like to shop and she doesn’t.” When my mom relayed her words I realized how little she knows us because shopping is not something we’ve ever spent much time doing. I find it ironic that here this woman is serving constant missions/callings so she can teach people what she believes is needed for them to have eternal families, and she's always spouting off about how important her "forever family" is, yet she’s neglected us here on earth for decades.

While family reunions can be fun, there always seems to be those relatives who leave me asking, “Do families have to be forever?”

Deciding Eternity In A Day

My little sister’s BFF just returned from a mission, met a guy, and on Sunday after three months of dating, they announced they were engaged. This left me stunned, more so when she asked my parents if she could have the reception in their yard on October 3rd—the couple will have known each other less than six months by then. In the Mormon faith we consider marriage to not just be for life, but for ETERNITY…yet we have some of the shortest engagements and marriage counseling isn’t a prerequisite. This doesn’t make sense to me, what do you think? (Full disclosure: I dated my Celestial Sex Partner for 6 months/wrote on his mission 2 years/ dated another year, engaged 6 months and somehow we didn’t have sex before marriage).

Tonight was supposed to be the marriage of an acquaintance but it was called off five days before the temple ceremony. I was callous enough to inquire why and learned the bride had uncovered a trail of lies when it came time to get an apartment and make joint credit purchases. And you guessed it, they’d only been dating a few months before the engagement.

For those of you who read the earlier post "Beware of Men Who Don't Just Grow Beards, They Marry Them." That wedding was supposed to take place this month, but has been postponed until October. I’ve decided to mind my business and hope his bride will realize she’s hitching her wagon to an experienced gay ox that will only pull her away from the life she’s envisioned.

While I applaud the church’s emphasis on marriage, it would be nice if the younger generation took more time in choosing an eternal companion than they did when deciding on a new car, at least with a car you have to get a credit check.

To my CSP, happy anniversary and thanks for choosing this eccentric Molly to rock your world for the last fourteen years!

Your Thoughts

On August 2nd in the Mormon Times they reprinted a talk given by Dallin Oaks in 1985 and added some of his reflections on it being as relevant today as it was then. There were several good points in the talk, but one paragraph was a little unsettling for me. What do you think?

***Elder Oaks' 1985 talk also contained the caution that "criticism is particularly objectionable when it is directed toward church authorities, general or local. " "Evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed is in a class by itself. It is one thing to depreciate a person who exercises corporate power or even government power. It is quite another thing to criticize or depreciate a person for the performance of an office to which he or she has been called of God. It does not matter that the criticism is true."***

Cyborg Children

Today I went to fast and testimony meeting because a family member was blessing their baby. When the bishop opened the floor to testimonies, there was a flood of young children that leaped toward the stand and I was appalled by how many of them followed the same script. Here it is in case you haven't been in awhile:

I KNOW this church is true, I KNOW Thomas S. Monson is the TRUE prophet, I KNOW that if I am righteous in this life I will be with my family in heaven.

Every child out of the eight that got up used these three phrases with the emphasis as highlighted. My son also wanted to go up and I asked him what he wanted to say, he said, "Jesus is really, really, funny." So of course I urged him to go up while my celestial sex partner begged him to stay sitting quietly.

It's been awhile since I've been to a FT meeting, so these children's testimonies didn't sound as childlike and from the hip as they used to, instead thoughts of what I'd read about education in Communist China and the Hitler Youth ran through my head. How can a child that's eight KNOW anything? Why the emphasis on Monson being the TRUE prophet? Can a child that age understand the meaning of the word righteous and the idea of not being with their family for eternity if they don't follow the LDS church's definition of the word?

I had hoped that attending FT meeting would leave me longing to return, and instead it left me, well, scared to send my son back to primary next week.