Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I’m a funny kind of shopper. I don’t enjoy aimlessly wandering the mall or driving from store to store. Usually when an item I “need” comes to mind I get a detailed visual, for instance, I wanted a new belt and not just any belt, this one had to have a wide brown elastic waistband with dark leather detailing in the front and a thick front ring. I wanted the belt so badly I took to the mall and couldn’t find anything close, so in desperation I went to the web. Luckily, I found a website that saved me hours of searching multiple sites. It’s called, www.shopstyle.com You can search for exactly what you want and it will show you all the sites that offer something fitting your description. Just yesterday I decided I’d be brave and get a swimsuit online. I wanted a tankini with underwire, padding, that didn’t tie behind the neck and had a swim skirt bottom. www.shopstyle.com found it for me instantly. Now I’m just crossing my fingers that when it arrives I don’t look like I should be on the tennis court instead of at the pool.

Oh The Horror!

This weekend we went to the pool and I had nothing to wear but my maternity swimsuit top and some board shorts. Laying next to mothers dressed in flowery spandex suits or the few still brave and beautiful enough to wear itty-bitty bikini’s, I felt mismatched and underdressed. I vowed to get a new suit the next day. My mother reminded me of how awful it is to try on swimsuits with kids who will inevitably swing the dressing room door wide when you’re between changes, so she offered to baby sit while I went on a quest to find lycra strong enough to staple ripples of loose flesh to flaccid stomach muscles—at least until I reached the water and could stop sucking it in. J

Just two racks of swimsuits remained at the store, so I grabbed an armful of one-pieces and tankinis and in hopes of appearing more youthful, I tried on the two-pieces first only to find that where the bottom of the top and the top of the bottom met, there was a gap for my flat-tire tummy to ooze out. Many of the tops had a ‘70’s style with soft cups that tied behind the neck, but with those the flimsy pieces of fabric were not enough to fight gravity's gift of my "National Geographic" breasts. The one-pieces were no better with their frumpy fruit prints and high-cut legs. When I got to the register to buy the 80% off trench coat I’d found, the saleswoman asked, “Did you find everything?” I replied, “Well, if the fact that I came in for a swimsuit and I’m buying a coat tells you anything, then no, I didn’t.” She gave me a knowing smile. When I got home and showed my mother the coat she said, "Nice coverup. I've seen the kind of “suits” people wear under those and you'll be getting quite a bit of attention at the pool this year."

So, what’s your swimsuit horror story or are you one of those mom’s who can throw on a swimsuit and look fabulous without having to exfoliate, shave, wax, self-tan, paint your toenails, put on waterproof makeup, and then top it all off with the perfect hat and cover-up?