Well Golly Gee

I heard an interesting story the other day. It seems a woman has been going around to wards in the Ogden, UT, area and towards the end of sacrament meeting she goes up to the pulpit and launches into a lecture on how people use “Golly,” “Gosh,” and “Geez” too much. I have a feeling Napoleon Dynamite is not her favorite film. Most likely she needs some help from LDS services, or she’s confused and thinks the Sunday for testimony meeting varies from ward to ward, but my hat’s off to her as surveys repeatedly show that people fear public speaking more than death and she’s apparently the exception. Somehow, someone got a picture of her and it’s been sent to area bishops along with a letter explaining the situation. This got me wondering, have other such photos of troublemakers gone out to bishops, and is my photo hanging in a church office somewhere? Maybe that’s why I was escorted from Gospel Doctrine the last time I tried to attend, or maybe it’s because I tried to ask a question.

Who Should Own This Word?

I started a light-hearted blog entry on a celestial sex topic, but my mind kept going back to Thursday when the LDS church issued another statement with regard to the term “fundamentalist Mormon,” and other uses of the word “Mormon” as associated with outside groups. As I applaud and support the church’s efforts to distance themselves from these sects, I do not believe they can claim ownership of such a broad word and in fact the U.S patent and trademark office agrees with me as they denied their request for a trademark(except when it’s used for the church’s educational services ). As I’ve mentioned in past blogs, I’ve spent the past three years researching the FLDS church as part of a book and for several decades these “peculiar people” have proudly identified themselves as “fundamentalist Mormons” since they quite literally follow the teachings of Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon to the extreme. So where did the controversial “FM” term come from? Well one source reports that in the 1940’s LDS Apostle Mark E. Petersen (why is there always a middle initial?) coined the phrase the mainstream church is now trying to do away with.

The other element I find fascinating is that I can recall a letter being read from the pulpit in February of 2001 where we were all asked to refer to ourselves at “Latter-Day Saints,” and not “Mormons.” Overnight the “M” word disappeared from our Utah lexicon replaced by “LDS” at every turn. Then on March 6th of the same year while I was working for the church, I received a press release that said we were only to refer to the church by its full name or “The Church of Jesus Christ,” and “the church” on second and shorter references. Again, the word “Mormon” was only said in hushed tones between friendly co-workers, but in the outside world nothing changed and the world went on using "Mormon" as it always had- to describe any follower of Joseph Smith.

So those of you reading this from the plush carpeted top floors of 50 N. South Temple in Salt Lake City, please continue to do your best to distance us from the “renegade sects” festering on the Utah/Arizona border, Texas, Canada, Mexico, Colorado and a few Southern states, but just know the word “Mormon” is something you can’t reclaim after you’ve spent years telling us we should throw it away.

A Sinful Snip

A week back I saw a news story that the LDS church handbook had been put online through www.wikileaks.org Being the curious chick I am, I had to read it, yep, the whole thing. Let me just say I never knew baptizing “trannies” was an issue (that would explain a few people in the ward), but basically that’s as exciting as it got until I hit page 197 out of 198. Here’s the passage:

Surgical Sterilization (Including Vasectomy)
The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. It should be considered only if (1) medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health or (2) birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. Such conditions must be determined by competent medical judgment and in accordance with law. Even then, the persons responsible for this decision should consult with each other and with their bishop and should receive divine confirmation of their decision through prayer.

We currently have two children and day to day, depending on how crazy things have been, the number of children my husband and I want changes, but one thing never has- that when we decide we’re done having babies, he will graciously submit himself to a vasectomy. My body will have been through enough, so tag--- he’s now it. Well, come to find out it’s pretty much classified as a sin since I don’t have a medical condition unless you count temporary insanity resulting from the serious trauma of finding (1) a small child has wiped red lipstick on my date night dress or (2) done some disgusting business in the toliet and left it unflushed in a non-airconditioned house the whole week we were on vacation. "Honey, why does the house smell like the sewer? Oh, that's why!"

So, what do you think? Is it worth possibly falling short of the celestial kingdom to have one sinful snip that results in decades of carefree sex?