My Change IN Behavior

I thought I would bring this to your attention because if you're like me you've never thought about it. Today I had a student do a presentation on animal testing for cosmetics and I was surprised to see that MAC Cosmetics (my favorite), Covergirl, L'Oreal, Aveeno, etc all do animal testing because it's less expensive than doing non-animal testing and some other reasons. I double-checked her sources and she's right, these companies do test on animals! I thought I'd pass on this informative website and list (take with you when shopping) that shows companies that test on animals and those that don't so maybe we can make more informed choices when we purchase cosmetics/detergents/lotions. I was glad to see that Clinique, American Beauty (Khols), Aveda, Bath & Body Works, OPI, Bobbie Brown, Burt's Bees, Calgon, etc. do NOT do animal testing, so there are lots of alternatives.

http://search.caringconsumer.com/


Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to eat animals and understand animals tests for medical reasons, but I don't understand why we have to torture them just to test new cosmetics when there are other ways... especially because cheap CoverGirl eye shadow just isn't worth it.

Does Prop 8 Divide The Church?

Recently I learned that my eighty-four year-old grandmother, who lives in California, has been standing out in the road holding a sign urging others to Vote "Yes" on Prop 8 which would eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry. I haven't heard her voice in almost six-years, but she'd be the first to tell you that "Families Are Forever" even if in this life she's put almost zero effort into connecting with said family. Too many missions to serve, temples to volunteer at, relief society lessons to give she says.

In the past few weeks whenever I log onto my Facebook account, the headlines read things like, "Lisa joined the group: Vote Yes! on Prop 8" or someone's status will say, "Michael is a Mormon supporting Prop 8." I've even received personal e-mails asking me to join the effort or donate my time/money. Few and far between are those Mormon friends brave enough to say they aren't supporting Prop 8.

So, on which side of this debate do you fall and why? Can you be a "good" Mormon and not support Prop 8? If things don't go your way on November 4th, then what?

Should a Descendant of Cain Be President?

Growing up in Utah, I learned the following things about blacks in Sunday School:

1- Blacks were less valiant in the War In Heaven
2- Blacks are descendants of Cain (who was an associate of Lucifer in the preexistence)
3- Blacks are cursed and not worthy of the priesthood (until 1978)

Luckily, those messages weren't reinforced at home because honestly, since there were only two black kids in my whole high school, it wasn't a big issue. Now I'm living in the South and at certain times, I'm the minority. Some of my favorite neighbors and co-workers are black, the man I want to vote for president is black, but should I be wary as clearly the color of their skin lets me know they are less valiant if I learned anything from my church lessons? What about you, what has the church taught you about race and how will that factor into your vote on election day? Can you believe LDS church teachings and still vote for Obama?

Does Excommunication Mean No Graduation?

I read the blurb below from Paul Rolly in the Salt Lake Tribune this morning or go to www.sltrib.com/ci_10588062

"You might remember Chad Hardy, the young entrepreneur who got in trouble with the LDS Church for producing and distributing "Men on a Mission" calendars,
featuring pictures of bare-chested Mormon missionaries with expressions suggesting more than proselyting on their minds. Hardy was excommunicated for his indiscretion last July.
Now, it appears a second shoe has dropped. Having completed all his requirements for graduation from BYU, Hardy wondered why he hadn't received his diploma, Hardy wrote on a Web site often visited by fallen Mormons.
He discovered his graduation status had not been sent to the BYU records center and he should contact his adviser, who told him his diploma and records had a "nonacademic hold" on them and that he was to speak to the executive director of Student Academic & Advisement Services. She told Hardy he fulfilled all requirements for graduation and she had no other information, he wrote on his site.
He finally was told by an official that a letter was being drafted to explain to him the problem, the details of which he still doesn't know."

So good reader, if all this turns out to be accurate, do you think Chad Hardy should be unable to graduate from BYU since he was excommunicated?

You Needed A Census To Tell You This?

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700261062,00.html

Tell me, what other things do you think a Utah census would turn up?

Just In Case You Ever Want To See Your Membership Record

Here's a screen print from the church's new MLS 2.9 system. (somewhere out there is a ward clerk not following the rules...) As you can read, members are not to have their own records. Why not?

One Of Many Things Wrong With The Church

Some of my “friends” on Facebook just joined the “Mothers Who Know Support Julie Beck” group and I can only assume the “…militant, feminist, priesthood-coveting, church-within-a-church pseudosaints online who think motherhood is a curse,” they are referring to are those women who frequent the Feminism Mormon Housewives website. Here's the belief bonding those in that Facebook group together.

“Didn’t you just love President Julie B. Beck’s talk in the October ‘07 conference?

So did I! It was inspiring. Motherhood is a great blessing and opportunity, and mothers should be honoured and supported in their role.

But not everyone thinks so… and now Sister Beck is the object of their resentment.

Join this group to say a big “No thanks” to the militant, feminist, priesthood-coveting, church-within-a-church pseudosaints online who think motherhood is a curse, babies are accidents, fathers should be mothers, women should be men, babysitters and schools should be the mothers, et cetera, et cetera.
No, thank you. The word of God tells us otherwise.

Children still need mothers, even in modern times… and empowering women does not mean turning them into men.

God bless the mothers, and the mothers in spirit. Thank you, Sister Beck!

Put On Hold

The biggest obstacle in my life has always been that there are only 24hours in a day. Recently, I've been filling too many of those hours with activities that didn't match up with my priorities. While writing is something I love, being a slave to the blog isn't as productive as say, finishing my book. I've just passed the three year mark and really, it's time to literally write the final chapter. So, this is good-bye for now, but I imagine from time to time I'll pop in to vent or reflect, after all, a blog is cheaper than therapy.

Party Pooper

Today was my son’s third day of preschool and already he’s come home with a birthday party invitation. He was so excited to open the card because “Benny” (who?) had given it to him, but after reading it, it was actually “Madison” (who?) that was having the party. My sons didn't even know who she was. I admit to not being the most alert parent, but has something changed in birthday etiquette that I’m not aware of? It seems the last few parties he’s been invited to have been by kids we don’t know, but are in his Sunday school class or athletic lessons. In my day you were allowed to invite a handful of family and friends which usually meant you only sent cards to those you played with on a regular basis. Now it seems parents are sending out bulk invites to anyone their kid breaths on and the parties have grown from ten motley neighborhood kids to thirty acquaintances---hey, what is this, a Mormon wedding? Are "registered at _____" tags next?

Not only have the parties grown in size, but so have the presents. It used to be you could get away with buying a package of PlayDohs or a board book, then you wrapped them in whatever paper you could find the hall closet, but now they have to be this fancifully swathed creation ordered from the latest educational toy magazine. Then you have to endure watching the kid open thirty gifts, hoping the whole time that yours will meet the bar, and that your child doesn’t have a meltdown wondering why Johnny’s the only one getting presents. In addition, it seems like the kids, girl especially, have to be decked out like their headed to the Little Miss/Mr. Royalty Pageant afterwards- don’t these parents understand they will only wipe chocolate cake down the front of that pricey smock?

My other gripe from the invitation was its advertising yelling out, “a giant bounce house!, inflatable water slide!, a custom piñata!, and live entertainment!” Are a few games in the backyard no longer entertaining enough so you’ve got to bring in the state fair?

Well, needless to say my son won’t be RSVPing “yes” for this soiree, and the line that clinched it (written in third person beside her photo) was, “I’m having my fourth birthday party this coming Saturday (today is Tuesday). My parents forgot to send out invitations earlier and we really hope that _________(computer typed) can come.” Clearly, this is an important event.

Is Something Wrong With Me?

I’m a mother of small children, a wife, a homemaker (of sorts), a college instructor (1 class), a regular community volunteer—and as all of these things, I find myself harried, overscheduled, and struggling to keep on top of everything. And now that Sarah Palin is on scene, well, I feel like a failure. Here’s a woman with five children- one going to Iraq, one about to get married and expecting a child, one a 5-month old special needs child (none of my children slept through the night at this age) and on top of all of this, she’s running for vice-president, has served as governor of her state, and been the mayor of Wasilla. Plus, somehow she finds the time to run every day, eat healthy, twist a fancy updo, and put on lipstick. Someone please, please tell me how she does it all? Even if her husband stays home, how do they do it? For the most part I stay home, but still there’s no way my husband would have the time to do all she’s doing. When I complained today to my celestial sex partner about not helping around the house more, he jokingly held up the recent Time Magazine with Palin’s photo on the cover and ran through the scenario I’ve just written. Is Sarah Palin the new standard at which women will be expected to perform? As if mothers weren’t already overworked and beating ourselves up over the illusion that we can have it all at once.

We Should Listen To Emily Post

Today I was pumping gas at Costco when the attendant jumped out from behind the pump and tried to pitch me a store credit card. When I turned him down, he asked who I’d be voting for this November. Bold I thought, but I told him anyway , and when it didn’t match up with his pick, he launched into a diatribe about why my candidate was the wrong one. Now I suspect the guy’s job entails breathing in more gas fumes than recommended, so I gave him a pass, plus my kids were knocking on the window like caged animals so I didn’t have time for a debate. Later in the day I went to a doctor’s appointment and in the waiting room two women were sparring back and forth on their candidate choices, so I raised my magazine higher and tried to hide so I wouldn’t have to take a side. When I got home I read the blog of a friend who was talking about the election and couldn’t contain myself any more so I left some serious bloggeria on her page. (sorry about the mess Joanna)

My point being, this election is everywhere! It’s all people can talk about, it’s the only thing being analyzed on the news channels, it’s blanketing the web, even the tabloids have it on their front page. On one hand I applaud so many people being interested in who will govern this nation, but on the other, why can’t we keep our choice to ourselves? Why do we feel compelled to convince those around us that our choice is the right one? I’ll admit, I’m guilty of this, but when the gas station attendant tried to pigeon-hole me today, I realized that I’ve had enough. Doesn’t the etiquette that you don’t talk about politics or religion in polite company still apply? Oh Britney, please flash your vadge to the paparazzi again so we can go back to being shallow and instead of being angry at each other, we can have the old days where you were the nation’s voodoo doll obsession.

She's Doin' The Nasty With a Coach Bag

***A special thanks to feministmormonhousewives.com for "publishing" some of my past entries. Look for more Celestial Sex posts on that site in the coming months***

In the past few weeks two of my friends have confessed to infidelity. To make it even worse, they’ve both been doing it at the mall. One of them was kind enough to spell out the details of a particularly sordid episode where she admitted to feeling a little low about herself on the day in question, which happens when you’re a woman like us- a mother who puts her children and husband first and who rarely gets the chance to dress up and go out all while watching your youth fade away in the vanity mirror. Plus, some days your kids are more than you can stand so you feel like rewarding yourself for not killing them—yet. So, you run out looking for a not-so-cheap thrill.

“Feeling bad about yourself happens,” I reassured her, “After awhile you start to wonder what’s happened to, well- you, and off to the mall you go looking for redemption only to find temptation. Before you know it, you’ve picked up a new toy, one you’ll put in the closet for a few weeks, then pull out and hope your husband doesn’t notice.” Unfortunately for me, I picked an opinionated metrosexual husband who notices such things. “Yes,” she agreed, “That’s how it started, except now I’m doing it all the time and it’s costing us a fortune. Jake (name change to protect the innocent) wonders why we can barely keep up with the mortgage.”

The experts call what she’s doing financial infidelity and maybe some of you will recognize that you've also got a cheating heart. My friend’s vice is designer bags, but she tells her husband they’re from Target, since he won’t know the difference and she pays all the bills so he doesn’t see those either. Now I’ve had financial affairs, but never with a big-ticket item because, well, I’m too cheap. My secret vice is buying overpriced European chocolate bars and eating them in my minivan before I have to go home and share, but they say chocolate is the gateway to more serious crimes, so I'm trying to stop...So, are you having a financial affair? With whom- Louie V, Versace, Coach? What advice do you give to friend who is stealing her family’s financial future for a fashion season of name-brand vachetta leather rubbing against the side of her chest?

Going To The Big House

My celestial sex partner and I lead pathetic social lives and so we had no plans this Labor Day weekend. After scouring the newspaper for something to do, we decided to attend the annual home show on the other side of town. Of course the address listed lead us to a Frenchie-sounding neighborhood with a guard shack the size of our city rec. center and a fountain that could double as the community swimming pool. After giving our names and getting the evil-eye from the security guard, we were allowed to move our gypsy camp minivan to where we’d need to buy the overpriced tickets. (proceeds going to charity we rationalized)

I enjoy going to home shows and have gone to many through the years so I’ve noticed some similarities. First, why is it people visiting home shows think they have to be pretentious? I even saw one woman in a sequined top. If you have to buy a ticket to tour someone’s home, just know we won’t think you’re fancy no matter how much you talk on you cell phone and try to look like you’re being imposed upon--we all know you're there to covet like the rest of us.

Now the homes, they were magnificent feats of architecture and I came away with ideas we’re going to implement in our house. The first one we saw had four full kitchens, all outfitted with Viking appliances. I’ve decided we need to do the same thing, except we’ll put them in the kid’s rooms so they can start making their own meals and I’m just dying for more kitchens to clean. The other idea was from the white marble bathroom that had a coffee/cappuccino bar with a fridge hidden in the cabinetry. So, I’m going to move the crock pot onto my bathroom vanity so I can get dinner going while I curl my hair and I’m going to get the minifridge I saw at Costco so my Mormon coffee (Diet Coke) is waiting for me every morning. My CSP pointed out that it’s probably best not to have food/drink nearby when he does his business, so I’ll have to encourage him to use the fan more often.

Overall, we left knowing we’d never make it as “rich” people, but the next morning I did feel a little more motivated to get up and clean the house.

Racism

Growing up in Utah I rarely encountered racism as our area was so white, there was no one except women to be prejudice against. In my 20's I lived in the liberal northeast where I was again blind to racism as there was too much diversity and openmindedness to single anyone out. Presently, I'm living in the South and my eyes have been opened and now I see what I've only heard about and thought long dead.

I met with a faculty colleague this week who told me stories of students refusing to take her courses after they arrived and saw she was black. Then today, I got talking outside with my neighbor who said he was reluctantly voting for McCain because when it came down to it, "I just can't bring myself to vote for a black man." This said as the neighbors behind us, who are black, sat on their back patio enjoying a holiday weekend with their extended family. I prayed they hadn't heard him as I now understood why his daughter doesn't go outside when their children are out playing with mine. How can you slur such a beautiful family because of their skin color? (For full disclosure, my neighbor is Asian). The worst part is my mother-in-law won't vote for Obama, which is fine and she gives several reasons why, except my husband and I agree that the largest part of it is because he's black and I suspect she still hasn't gotten over blacks being "cursed."

I'm encouraged that a black man stands to gain the presidency of this country, but his candidacy is uncovering an ugliness that has long been hiding behind the fake pleasantries of suburbia. It is my hope that in my lifetime, I will see a day when this country can leave behind its obsession with color and concentrate its efforts on issues that will lift us all up, no matter our race.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I'm still trying to loose the weight put on with my last pregnancy, but admittedly I'm awful at diets. Recently while shopping at Costco, I bought an industrial-sized box of Fiber One Oats & Chocolate Chewy Bars and I won't deny I was swayed by the "Best Life" logo on the box. (This is the diet program Oprah's health guru Bob Greene developed) I don't know how these bars are that great for you--they have corn syrup in them, but they taste like a bar made from Samoa Girl Scout cookies and in my mind, that's a taste from heaven.

Well Golly Gee

I heard an interesting story the other day. It seems a woman has been going around to wards in the Ogden, UT, area and towards the end of sacrament meeting she goes up to the pulpit and launches into a lecture on how people use “Golly,” “Gosh,” and “Geez” too much. I have a feeling Napoleon Dynamite is not her favorite film. Most likely she needs some help from LDS services, or she’s confused and thinks the Sunday for testimony meeting varies from ward to ward, but my hat’s off to her as surveys repeatedly show that people fear public speaking more than death and she’s apparently the exception. Somehow, someone got a picture of her and it’s been sent to area bishops along with a letter explaining the situation. This got me wondering, have other such photos of troublemakers gone out to bishops, and is my photo hanging in a church office somewhere? Maybe that’s why I was escorted from Gospel Doctrine the last time I tried to attend, or maybe it’s because I tried to ask a question.

Come Out Tonight and Dance By The Light of the Moon

My favorite holiday has always been Halloween and each year I look forward to the costume catalogs arriving in my mailbox. The catalog I’ve ordered my kids animal costumes from for the last four years arrived today and without looking, I tossed it into the backseat of the van, telling them to pick one out as I drove the family bus. I could tell from my oldest son’s silly comments that I’d made a rookie parent mistake. When we got home I grabbed the catalog and quickly thumbed through it. The first ten pages were the cute kiddie costumes I adore, but the following pages looked like a mailer you’d get from a sex shop.

It seems that in the years I’ve been fawning over Tom Arma© skunk costumes, and trying to find the perfect tights to match a spider hat, adults costumes have taken their cue from porn stars. Since when is it appropriate to wear a French Maid costume to work? Apparently at Halloween as last year we took the folks to our favorite local family restaurant only to find the waitresses trying to pass off fishnets and handcuffs as part of their annual costume contest. When they came around for our table’s votes, my celestial sex partner and my dad were all too happy to vote for the one with the most cleavage spilling out of her Cinderella dress. And from looking at the catalog it seems every career uniform has been sexualize in some way--teachers, nurses, Jane Jetson, even the Statue of Liberty! Plus, what mom wouldn't want to dress up as a "Supa Pimp Mama" to give out candy?

I miss the old days when Halloween was about getting to be that person/thing you’d secretly always wanted to be (and no, a harlot doesn’t count), staying out late on a weeknight, and seeing who could fill up a whole pillow case with candy. Now it seems to be about what everything else seems to be about- sex. So this year after I've donned my usual witch’s hat and velvet dress, I’ll get a good laugh when my celestial sex partner comes out in the new “Hottie Soottie” kilt I've ordered since he's so eager to embrace a sexier Halloween.

When a "Man Town" Turns Into a City

In American culture there exists a phenomenon called the “Man Town” or “Man Cave” that often takes the form of an office, den, garage, or media room. My household is no exception as my celestial sex partner has a room of his own where he's picked all of the décor and can do those things that interest just him, i.e. video games. This is also true for my parent’s house where my dad has an office, junk-stuffed garage, a shed even more packed, and a greenhouse- same for my grandfather, same for my brothers-in-law. Recently I’ve noticed these Man Towns have a tendency to populate, leading to an urban sprawl that spills over into other rooms. Am I alone in my observation? I know a few female friends who have their own rooms, usually for crafts and scrapbooking, but by and large, it’s usually the men who have their own space to lounge. Why do you think this is? Could it be some holdover from the 60’s? Do women not feel they are deserving of such a space, and when a new baby comes, why is it their space that is most likely to be sacrificed?

By The Numbers

My celestial sex partner and I had an interesting discussion the other night after I read an article about how the world’s population will be nearing 7 BILLION in 2011, and is projected to reach 9 BILLION by 2042. Neither of us are great at math and were couldn’t get the calculator to work with those numbers, but we were wondering if there is approx 13 MILLION active LDS by the time the earth’s population reaches 7 BILLION, what percentage of the earth’s inhabitants will be Mormon? Anyone out there able to figure that out? We decided on 13 million LDS as that’s the current number given and we know not all of those are active members.

These numbers gave rise to a few questions we debated:
1- At the rate LDS missionary work is going and the population is growing, approximately how long will it take to reach all of the earth’s inhabitants with the church’s message?
2- If God wants us all to accept Mormonism as the earth’s true faith, then why are so few of the earth inhabitants members?
3- If God is as powerful as they say, then why is it taking so long for his message to get out to people? Why not use a more efficient means than missionaries?
4- We often hear from the pulpit that not all members will make it to the celestial kingdom, so with membership being so small when compared to the earth’s population, why are so few going to make it back to God’s presence if he loves us?

Do you have any of the answers, if so, please share!

Boys Will Be Boys

As we’ve gotten into our thirties, I’ve noticed the men in our age group have gotten more outwardly competitive. It seems that if my celestial sex partner gets a new piece of yard equipment, a week later our 30-something neighbor has the same thing or better, if my celestial sex partner has a male co-worker who gets a new techno gadget, a day later he begs for the same whistle and bell. I’ve always seen woman as being competitive with each other, but now I think the men are worse. Don’t believe me? Our ward is chock-full of 30-something couples and today he came home with an elder’s quorum “invitation” (in Mormondom this means a photocopied piece of white paper) to an adult pinewood derby. As if it wasn’t bad enough to vicariously compete through your sons when they hit this annual rite of passage, now the men have decided to just outright slug it out on the mock track. The best part of the invitation was this sentence, “Light refreshments will be served for your munching enjoyment so please sign up to bring a favorite snack or dessert.” That’s Mormon hospitality for you, here’s what will be served and you’re going to bring it, of course this is male code for, “what your wife should prepare” as let’s get real, how often does the male partner of a relationship actually worry about the food for an event? Nope, they’re too worried about their derby car weighing in at five ounces. And yeah, our car is going to kick your car’s ass.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

Every Sunday to get out of writing a full blog entry, I recommend a product or idea that I've found helpful in my life. While thumbing through a magazine yesterday, I was reminded of an item that I rarely think about, but it sure makes my sex life a whole lot better and few American women use it. It's the IUD and if you've had a baby and haven't tried it afterwards, then you're missing out! I love mine so much that when the doctor took it out so I could get pregnant with our second child, I told him I wanted to keep it as a necklace charm I loved it so much. It's over 99.8 percent effective (higher than sterlization), completely reversible, and once it's in, you don't even know it's there. So, if you're tired of the werewolf effects of birth control or other hormone methods (my IUD is nonhormonal) and you're a mom like me who can't ever remember all her kids names, let alone remember to take a pill, then try an IUD and free your mind of one more hassle. Your celestial sex partner will thank you for it!

Cain Or One Of The Three Nephites Exits Mortality?

For those who read my earlier post on connections between Mormonism, Bigfoot, Cain, and the Three Nephites. Here's a tantalizing update from The New York Times if you want to be the life of the party in gospel doctrine class this Sunday. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/us/15bigfoot.html?em

My guess, this is a big hoax for a couple of rednecks to drum up some business. They're holding a press conference today a noon PST to offer up more photos and DNA. If I'm wrong about this being a marketing scheme, and it is Bigfoot, well, I'll eat those entrails sitting on Bigfoot's tummy.

Inked and thus Unemployable, Inked and thus Mortal

Bountiful, Utah, a city preferred by the Mormon elite, has passed a new policy whereby anyone with a visible tattoo will not be able to work for the city (there is a grandfather clause for those already hired). While I personally don’t care for tattoos, I don’t think anyone should be passed over for being mayor, garbage man, tax collector or city manager just because they have “I love my mom” tattooed on their lower arm (though anything offensive would be an exception). Members of the inking community say this policy will never stand up in court and I have to agree. It is free speech. What do you think?

Recently I’ve noticed tattoos on several people I know to be faithful LDS and I have to admit it makes them more intriguing to me as a little ink is a clear sign that at some point in their lives they’ve gone against the norm. (Check out the guy with the LDS prophet tattoos below) While on a playdate last week I looked down and noticed one of the mothers, the most staunch in the group, had a tat on her ankle. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to ask her about it, but the best story behind a tattoo I’ve heard was from a friend who got his while serving a mission. He said it was like a symbol of himself fighting to survive beneath the suit of missionary monotony. While President Hinckley described tattoos as “graffiti on the temple of the body,” it seems some members have no problem tagging themselves, except for those already living in the celestial kingdom of Bountiful who’ve decided they can’t be paying their water bill to woman with a butterfly on her neck.

Do you have a tattoo? If so, what it is and why did you get it? Would you ever get one and if so, what would it be? What is your perception of a person with a tattoo?

When Should Childhood Nudity Stop?

As mentioned in an earlier post, I attended a family reunion last week and got to be in the presence of the one man in American who knows everything. My brother-in-law, who is a seminary principal, is certain he has everything figured out and he’s more than happy to dispense his wisdom to whoever is within range of his voice. Never mind that his education is from the University of Phoenix and the farthest he’s ever traveled is to West Coast on a mission. When one of my baby’s was undergoing a life threatening surgery, he had the audacity to e-mail that we should do his baby blessing immediately so he wouldn’t die, not something any mother wants to hear at that stressful moment. I don’t think anyone has ever said something to make me angrier, but at my celestial sex partner’s request I kept a lid on my fury.

So, when we saw him at the family reunion it was a given that he’d say something infuriating or just plain stupid. My baby (who remains unblessed, but survived) has been suffering from heat rash and being outside during the family reunion wasn’t helping so I removed all of his clothes except for his diaper while we say in the shade.“Whoa, get some clothes on that baby!” He said and my husband and I laughed thinking he was joking. Problem was, he wasn’t. He went on, “The other day my neighbor’s son, Ezra, was out playing with a hose- they’re Bible freaks, anyway the kid was nude. I mean the kid is two (he holds his fingers up), TWO,” he spits. “So I pulled up and told his dad to get some clothes on that kid. You just can’t let your kids run around naked, there’s gotta be a cut off,” he said.

My CSP and I spoke that unspoken marital language with our eyes and we both agreed he was an idiot. Our silence made him uncomfortable, which I enjoyed. Earlier that week I’d let my four-year-old swim in the backyard kiddie pool naked because the baby was already in it, nude I might add, and I couldn’t leave him alone to go upstairs and get my older child's swimsuit, plus I didn't really care. I’d won't let him go in the front yard like that, but when he was two I saw no problem with it if the occasion arose.

What do you think, are nude kids something to be chastised over? Where do you think the age “cut off” is for public childhood nudity?

An Open Letter to Sister B. Beck

I consider myself a feminist, but I’ll be the first to tell you the present definition of that term is murky. Basically, I believe women, like all people, should be free to make the decisions that will make their lives fulfilling while I realize there are systems of oppression in place that can sometimes make this difficult and cause women to think they have autonomy when they don’t.

I read your conference talk back in the fall of ’07, and had a mixed reaction because while I agreed with some of your points, your words lessened the support of women choosing to use their free agency in a way different than yourself. Now, due to the recent Sunstone panel discussion, the controversy has been revived.
(Readers, here it is if you need a refresher: http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=2a4826cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1)

Below are my thoughts on three of your “mothers who know” points and I feel qualified to make them as a woman with advanced education that had a successful career in a male dominated industry which I temporarily gave up to be a stay-at-home mother who now struggles to maintain my sanity/identity while being criticized as a heretic by the church and a traitor by the radical feminists.

First off, the title, “Mothers Who Know,” implies that those mothers who don’t fulfill the role as you’re advocating aren’t “in the know” and therefore are lesser mothers. Why must women be continually pitted against one another, by one another?

Mothers Who Know Bear Children
While I agree with the statement that “children…are our greatest jewels,” I disagree that “faithful daughters of God bear children” and that “young couples should not postpone having children.” Furthermore, the statement that children are “becoming less valued” in many cultures in the world couldn’t be more false.

Having children isn’t for everyone and wouldn’t the world be a better place if those awful mothers who leave their kids in a hot car to die while they buy meth knew that before having those children? In a world made up of individual preference, bearing children will not be the goal for every woman and it’s the smart women who know where their interests lie and don’t feel obligated to do the things that simply don’t interest them. Think of how great this world would be if there were no unwanted children and no guilty mothers?

Sister Beck, young couples should postpone having children to a certain point if they choose, especially in a religion where many marry at an age below the national average. My husband and I waited seven years to begin having children because we wanted to ensure that we knew who we were and what we wanted as individuals, that our marriage would be an eternal success, and that we had both received a full education that lead us to financial stability. By not waiting to have children until after you’ve received an education or discovered yourself as an individual, the risk is high that these women will never do either of those things leading to problems later in life. Time and time again research shows that a mother who is educated elevates her chances of being successful in raising intelligent and happy children (read the book Freakonomics for some statistics) and she herself will have a more fulfilling life.

Lastly, we do exist in a time where couples are having fewer children but this doesn’t mean that choice is being made because children are “becoming less valued.” If anything, parents make that decision because their children are highly valued and they want to ensure they have the means (temporal and spiritual) available to raise their offspring as they deem best. We are no longer an agricultural society that needs large families, instead we have modern economic constraints and time pressures that force us to evaluate as parenting partners how our resources are best spent on the number of children we’re comfortable with. It’s what YOU decide and no one should see it as a sign of how much you value your children whether they be 1, 15, or like you, 3.


Mothers Who Know Honor Sacred Ordinances and Covenants
Sister Beck, there was only one sentence in this section I found objectionable. “They bring daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection; their sons wear white shirts and ties and have missionary haircuts.” Really? This should be my priority as a mother? Is it yours? When I help get the kids ready for church I’m lucky if I can convince them to have matching socks let alone worry their hair isn’t standing on end. And the term “perfection” is a standard women have been battling against for ages—can you really brush hair to such benevolence? Also, you pointed out the boys were dressed in WHITE shirts and had MISSIONARY haircuts- that irked me. This goes back to my earlier post on Cyborg Children, must even our children conform in their dress? What of that ten year old boy who wants the “shaggy” cut his classmates are wearing, must a “mother who knows” quash such rebellion to meet your standard and risk a larger mutiny later?

Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers
Okay Sister Beck, this is where I got mad and signed the “Women Who Know” petition. These two sentences set women in the church back decades, “Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world.” I looked up nurturing in both the thesaurus and dictionary and nowhere did I see the term “homemaking.” I did find develop, education, strengthen and nourish and all are done in my home without me being the best cook, laundress, dishwasher, and organizer in the world. In fact, I don’t enjoy doing any of those chores because throughout history they were “women’s work” and I’d like to think we’ve evolved to where it’s everyone’s work, including my husband's. He claims you turned in a talk to the General Authorities that said the brethren should do more work around the house and you were surprised by what came up on the teleprompter instead, how much better than would make me feel.

Lastly Sister Beck, if you think home is where I have the most power and influence, then you’re right, but get me in a board room lady and you’ll see that same power and influence. That’s right, there are Mormon women who can rule in both worlds and do it without being the “best homemaker in the world.” All women should be free to choose what makes them happy and not feel guilty about that happiness, no matter how it comes. And that Sister Beck, is what I know.

Your Thoughts?

This is one of my favorite topics so I couldn't pass it up over the weekend. This past Friday at the Sunstone Symposium they had panel called, "Mormon Motherhood: Choice or Destiny?" and it was mostly a discussion on Julie Beck's General Conference talk, "Mothers Who Know." http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700249373,00.html?pg=1 Your "homework assignment" for the weekend is to read this Des. New article about it. Here's one of the responses the article garnered, what do you think about it? On Monday I'll post my thoughts on the whole debacle, including something a little surprising.

I sustain Sister Beck 3:54 p.m. Aug. 8, 2008
Let's get one thing clear here... The LDS church is not a democracy. If you have a problem with the doctine either get over it or leave, it's that simple. The doctrine of the church comes from God, not from men, so who are men (and women) to question the authority and doctrines of God? Come on people! You can argue and 'discuss' all you want, but that will never change the facts or the church's stand on issues. Sister Beck's talk was inspired and would not have been allowed in conference if it was not directly in line with the church's teachings. I find it interesting that a mere 500 women who have taken issue with this talk are getting such media coverage when there are over 5 or 6 million women in the church and the rest of us were uplifted by this talk and grateful to hear it.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

Every Sunday to get out of writing a full blog entry, I write about a product I use and have found to be of "good report and praiseworthy." This week I want to tell you about a Salt Lake City business called So Cupcake www.socupcake.com I realize most of my readers are outside of Utah, but knowing that most of you do/will visit Salt Lake City sometime in your life, I'm hoping you'll support this local business at 3939 S. Highland Drive.

It's only been open five months and was inspired by Celina, a young girl living with cerebral palsy who wanted to open a cupcake shop with her parents help. While in SLC this week, and upon the urging of my sisters who are always on top of Utah trends, I visited So Cupcake where I was delighted to find an array of flavors topped with fanciful frostings and tasty embellishments. You must try the German Chocolate, Lemon, Coconut, and Red Velvet. So, the next time you're in town, support a dream and make your mouth happy.

Do Families Have To Be Forever?

Forgive me if this reads like a jumble, but I’m exhausted from a week of reuniting with family. Sometimes I wonder why we subject ourselves to the yearly ritual of traveling to meet with obscure relatives only to melt in the sun and hear Uncle Udell tell the same stories he told last year (while wearing a powder blue leisure suit). It seems that Utah family reunions have a pattern of sorts- first, homemade root beer must be served, second, a quilt or some sewing/craft project will be performed, third, undecipherable genealogy sheets or journal copies should be passed around, lastly, someone must say something that launches a dispute that will last until the next family reunion. (More on this tomorrow)


My fraternal grandmother, who may hold the record for most LDS missions served, has not picked up the phone in almost a decade to call me. Instead, she prefers to send yearly notes (sometimes partially photocopied) lamenting how she’s just so busy with the church to fly two hours to visit or even call. I didn’t make it out to my fraternal reunion, but this year my grandmother remarked to my mom that she couldn’t ever connect with me and my sisters because we “like to shop and she doesn’t.” When my mom relayed her words I realized how little she knows us because shopping is not something we’ve ever spent much time doing. I find it ironic that here this woman is serving constant missions/callings so she can teach people what she believes is needed for them to have eternal families, and she's always spouting off about how important her "forever family" is, yet she’s neglected us here on earth for decades.

While family reunions can be fun, there always seems to be those relatives who leave me asking, “Do families have to be forever?”

Deciding Eternity In A Day

My little sister’s BFF just returned from a mission, met a guy, and on Sunday after three months of dating, they announced they were engaged. This left me stunned, more so when she asked my parents if she could have the reception in their yard on October 3rd—the couple will have known each other less than six months by then. In the Mormon faith we consider marriage to not just be for life, but for ETERNITY…yet we have some of the shortest engagements and marriage counseling isn’t a prerequisite. This doesn’t make sense to me, what do you think? (Full disclosure: I dated my Celestial Sex Partner for 6 months/wrote on his mission 2 years/ dated another year, engaged 6 months and somehow we didn’t have sex before marriage).

Tonight was supposed to be the marriage of an acquaintance but it was called off five days before the temple ceremony. I was callous enough to inquire why and learned the bride had uncovered a trail of lies when it came time to get an apartment and make joint credit purchases. And you guessed it, they’d only been dating a few months before the engagement.

For those of you who read the earlier post "Beware of Men Who Don't Just Grow Beards, They Marry Them." That wedding was supposed to take place this month, but has been postponed until October. I’ve decided to mind my business and hope his bride will realize she’s hitching her wagon to an experienced gay ox that will only pull her away from the life she’s envisioned.

While I applaud the church’s emphasis on marriage, it would be nice if the younger generation took more time in choosing an eternal companion than they did when deciding on a new car, at least with a car you have to get a credit check.

To my CSP, happy anniversary and thanks for choosing this eccentric Molly to rock your world for the last fourteen years!

Your Thoughts

On August 2nd in the Mormon Times they reprinted a talk given by Dallin Oaks in 1985 and added some of his reflections on it being as relevant today as it was then. There were several good points in the talk, but one paragraph was a little unsettling for me. What do you think?

***Elder Oaks' 1985 talk also contained the caution that "criticism is particularly objectionable when it is directed toward church authorities, general or local. " "Evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed is in a class by itself. It is one thing to depreciate a person who exercises corporate power or even government power. It is quite another thing to criticize or depreciate a person for the performance of an office to which he or she has been called of God. It does not matter that the criticism is true."***

Cyborg Children

Today I went to fast and testimony meeting because a family member was blessing their baby. When the bishop opened the floor to testimonies, there was a flood of young children that leaped toward the stand and I was appalled by how many of them followed the same script. Here it is in case you haven't been in awhile:

I KNOW this church is true, I KNOW Thomas S. Monson is the TRUE prophet, I KNOW that if I am righteous in this life I will be with my family in heaven.

Every child out of the eight that got up used these three phrases with the emphasis as highlighted. My son also wanted to go up and I asked him what he wanted to say, he said, "Jesus is really, really, funny." So of course I urged him to go up while my celestial sex partner begged him to stay sitting quietly.

It's been awhile since I've been to a FT meeting, so these children's testimonies didn't sound as childlike and from the hip as they used to, instead thoughts of what I'd read about education in Communist China and the Hitler Youth ran through my head. How can a child that's eight KNOW anything? Why the emphasis on Monson being the TRUE prophet? Can a child that age understand the meaning of the word righteous and the idea of not being with their family for eternity if they don't follow the LDS church's definition of the word?

I had hoped that attending FT meeting would leave me longing to return, and instead it left me, well, scared to send my son back to primary next week.

Is It Just Me?

As I mentioned in an earlier post I’ve become a Facebook addict and have now reached the milestone of one hundred “friends.” (Somebody toot a horn) Most of these are people I knew over a decade ago while growing up in Utah and back then I was your unoriginal “Molly” and I’d dare say only a handful of people in my peer circle were not Mormon. As you know from this blog, that all changed for me after I started working for the church. So, imagine my surprise when I reconnected with people from the past and started to realize a trend—many of them have also become inactive or left the church all together. Today was the biggest shocker when I was “friended” by a kid who was on seminary council with me and was perhaps the most devout Mormon peer I had, but has now listed himself as “agnostic” on Facebook. Another of my reacquainted friends served a mission but according to his profile/photos, is now a big fan of recreational drugs and alcohol (which was sad to read/see). It also seems that recently my celestial sex partner and I have had several friends who we’ve met as we moved that are “coming out” as no longer being believers in the church.

Now this doesn’t mean the church isn’t true- it could have something to do with my generation and the life stage we’re all at, or the area we all grew up in (small SLC/Ogden suburb), the availability of information on the internet, the world being more evil now, we’re getting close to the last days and people are choosing sides, etc. Or, I could be witnessing a trend in church membership with people who have demographics similar to mine.
What do you think? And if there is a trend, how should the LDS church go about stopping this loss of members? What would bring you back if you’ve left?

The Game of Home Teacher Torture

I’m passive-aggressive when it comes to our home teachers. The sisters in the ward gave up on me last year after a once a week letter campaign never bore fruit (my oldest child thought the homemade cards were from grandma and I had fun making up messages since he can't read). So after that failure, the ward sent in the heavy hitters. Now we have home teachers that are members of the Elder Quorum presidency. The two men have yet to visit us as a pair, which works for me because one of them I enjoy debating because he can keep it civil, while the other is just goose stepping his way to the celestial kingdom. The only thing I don’t like about the situation is that my celestial sex partner never remembers they are coming so they always catch us doing the random things couples do on a Sunday night when their small children have gone to bed. Who are these men that spend three hours at church, go to whatever meetings (which I thought weren’t supposed to be on Sunday), and then want to visit us?

The home teacher I’ll actually be present for says he’s fascinated by our “good” marriage because we’re such opposites when it comes to the church, (Translation: If this chick were my wife I'd be outta here!) What he fails to realize is that in this country many marriages are made up of mixed religions, you just have to practice tolerance, communication, and let the other person be who they are. The other reason I get a kick out of this home teacher is that he asks lots of questions which inevitably lead to answers that make his bum cheeks tense and his eyebrows jump. Now that’s my idea of fun and I think my CSP finds it entertaining too. Last month the HT asked why I didn’t go to church. I told him I was testing out the “at home church” pilot program and that so far, I was getting better results than when I sat in the pews. So please Bishop _________ keep the home teachers coming, otherwise we’ll be stuck watching reruns or playing Uno on Sunday nights.

American Idol Comes To Utah

Today American Idol auditions were held in Utah. I'm sad to report I'm now at the age where I don't even know anybody young enough to try out. What I'm most curious about is how the producers will "cast" Salt Lake City. Here are my guesses for what you can expect to see when the show airs the SLC castings.

1- Someone will sing a hymn
2- There will be a girl in polygamy dress
3- A missionary moment- either a testimony being bore or some young fool in missionary dress
4- Lots of color treated hair- skunk stripe highlights, "melts" (my youngest sister is currently sport such a doo), and low-lights
5- Puppets, they can perform at more than family nights
6- Singing siblings, growing up it seemed like there were lots of singing families
7- A whole lotta talent because Utah places great emphasis on having some

What are your guesses?

Your Reaction?

To refresh your memory, Professor Jeffrey Nielsen wrote an op-ed two years ago taking a stance opposing the LDS church's statement on gay marriage which led to the end of his career at BYU. Please leave your reaction to his words.

Open Letter to California Mormons
Jeffrey S. Nielsen

I am a member of the Mormon Church, a married heterosexual, and a supporter of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples. I am asking you to pause and give sincere thought to the letter from our religious leaders you have heard read, or will soon hear read, over our church pulpits asking you to get involved and oppose marriage equality in California. Please think deeply about this, not only as a member of a particular church, but also as a citizen of a democracy.

To press for an amendment to a civil constitution that would legalize discrimination against an entire class of people is no small matter, but of the greatest significance. When the argument, no matter how well intentioned, is based solely upon a religious proclamation; then, I believe, it is a serious contradiction of the wisdom of our founding fathers. It also does tremendous damage to the great progress in civil rights we’ve made in our country respecting the equal dignity of each person and towards a more certain legal equality for all citizens.

You should also know, not all faithful Mormons agree with our religious leaders’ encroachment into political matters. In fact, a growing number of active Mormons, who have gay friends and family members, are coming to the conclusion that our current leaders are as mistaken in promoting discrimination against gays and lesbians as was the Mormon hierarchy in the 60’s when they opposed equal rights for people of color, and our Mormon leaders in the 70’s when they opposed full legal equality for women.

Of course, religious authorities of any denomination possess the right, and may claim the legitimacy, to set the theology and policy for their religious community. When they; however, attempt to interject religious doctrine into the public spaces of a diverse democracy without reasonable justification, then members, especially faithful members, of that religious organization have the civic responsibility to express public disapproval of such dangerous and undemocratic behavior.

No one is asking that you condone a behavior that might violate your religious faith, but we need to allow everyone the freedom to live their life as they see fit, so long as it does not physically harm another person. After all, religious values must be something an individual freely chooses, not something forced upon him or her by the state. We should never allow our constitutions, whether state or federal, to become weapons in a crusade to impose a particular religious value system upon a pluralistic democracy. Today it might be a particular religious value that we affirm, but tomorrow it might be a religious system, which would seek to legislate against our own sincere beliefs. So now is the time to take a stand and keep separate civil and religious authority.

I do not believe that people choose their sexual orientation any more than they choose their skin color or gender. So to discriminate and deny them equal protection and equal opportunity under civil law because of these natural traits; especially in this case, sexual orientation, is grossly unfair and should be rejected outright in a compassionate and just democracy. If anyone could give me a single reasonable argument against marriage equality in our civil society, which doesn’t make fallacious appeals to tradition, misplaced appeals to religious authority, or make some ridiculous claim about nonhuman animals, then I would like to hear it. So far, no one has been able to present me with even a single justifiable reason.

You should know that like you, family and marriage are very important to me. As I have become acquainted with gay and lesbian couples, I have been touched by their goodness, sincerity, and commitment. I am persuaded that allowing marriage equality would, in fact, strengthen the institutions of family and marriage in our country. Perhaps it might even make all of us a little more considerate and responsible as both marriage partners and parents. I can only hope that the citizens of California, and my fellow Mormons, will possess the wisdom and moral decency to reject the call to discriminate against our gay and lesbian coworkers, friends, neighbors, church members, and family.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

Like most Americans I'm a pizza connoisseur, so much so that in 2004 I journey to Antica Pizzeria Port’Alba in Naples which is considered the world's first pizzaria. While the pizza there was rustic and flavorful, it still didn't beat out my favorite- The Pie Pizzaria, located in the basement of the University Pharmacy near the University of Utah. However, for the last few months I've found myself drawn to two offerings from Papa Murphy's- the Gourmet Chicken Bacon Artichoke Delite or the Chicken Mediterranean Delite. If you haven't tried these yet, you're missing out! Please let me know what pizzas of "good report" you've found at home or in your travels.

Hairplugs & Heartstrings

My family with a greater love for church and cheese than I spent last evening at the Mo' Tab & Osmonds concert. When you're filled with the spirit does you face have to take on that fake smile--what do you think David Archuleta? Growing up I thought Marie was beautiful, but now as an adult I think she's sadly strange. I've met Donnie and in person his face and hair have had more retreads than a diesel tire, but he was a nice man. Thanks for fifty years of representing Mormonism, now please go away. The Osmonds are headed to Vegas for a permanent show, click on this pic and you'll see Donnie already looks like Wayne Newton. Who do you think will be the next Mormon entertainment dynasty to last more than a decade?

It's Zion and It Stinks, Literally

***Update- Bountiful, Utah has signed on to start curbside recycling! Click here to read the story http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_10004619

I will always love the mountains of Utah, the feel of downtown Salt Lake City (especially near the U), and the fiery martian landscape of the southern canyons. Yes, it is perhaps one of the most beautiful places on earth. It can also be one of the ugliest and uncared for places and nothing tells the visitor this more than the refineries spilling their smelly plumes into the Salt Lake valley air, the deadly inversion, and the nuclear waste dump they keep loading up. Everyone loves to run around saying, “We live in Zion,” “This is the place,” “We’re a banner unto heaven.” In fact today were celebrating a state holiday for that reason. Well, if it’s such a great place, then why do most of the people living there treat it like, well, sh*#? I’d like to see someone with enough balls (and stamina) to say that at the next conference or whole on television about the parade because like many of you, my pioneer ancestors risked everything that had to reach Utah and turn it into what it was. Now their dominant progeny figure they don’t need to care for it, "Christ will fix all when he comes."

Of all the places I’ve lived, Utahns are the least environmental savvy. Now I’m not saying anyone needs to give up their homes and build a nest by the lake, but is it too much to ask that you throw your paper/bottles/cans into a bin and take them to be recycled? And there’s no curbside recycling because most Utahns are too cheap to pay for it! For the last few years I’ve been trying to get my parents to recycle and they wouldn’t because they claimed there was nowhere to take it…well, problem solved because I logged onto www.earth911.org and found there was a dumpster next to the Walmart less than half a mile away. Now when I come over I’m guessing my mom throws out a laundry basket and scoops some paper into it to humor me.

So today when you’re done standing on the parade route in the spot you’ve been camped out on for two days, please pick up your trash and when you watch the fireworks tonight, think of what makes Utah "the place" and what will keep it that way for the generations to come.

Cain Retires to the Sunshine State

I’ve always been fascinated, yet skeptical of the Bigfoot story. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized the version I grew up with was unique from the rest of the country. In rural Utah Bigfoot was not myth, but a reality linked into God’s eternal plan, something rarely preached from the pulpit but propagated by Mormon culture. As it was told, there were four Bigfoots who were actually the three Nephites (sometimes they are hitchhikers too) and Cain left to roam the earth until the second coming as told in the Book of Mormon. I recall my brother-in-law “bearing his testimony” about his bishop seeing Bigfoot pass through his field as he was tilling back in the early 80’s- at this time there’d been a rash of sightings in our area and coincidentally the “Miracle of Forgiveness” containing the text below was reprinted about that time.


“On the sad character Cain, an interesting story comes to us from Lycurgus A. Wilson’s book on the life of David W. Patten. From the book I quote an extract from a letter by Abraham O. Smoot giving his recollection of David Patten’s account of meeting “a very remarkable person who had represented himself as being Cain.’


‘As I was riding along the road on my mule I suddenly noticed a very strange personage walking beside me… His head was about even with my shoulders as I sat in my saddle. He wore no clothing, but was covered with hair. His skin was very dark. I asked him where he dwelt and he replied that he had no home, that he was a wanderer in the earth and traveled to and fro. He said he was a very miserable creature, that he had earnestly sought death during his sojourn upon the earth, but that he could not die, and his mission was to destroy the souls of men. About the time he expressed himself thus, I rebuked him in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by virtue of the holy priesthood, and commanded him to go hence, and he immediately departed out of my sight…” (Miracle of Forgiveness, Spencer W. Kimball, pg 127, 1969)


If you look in the spring 2008 Journal of Mormon History, there’s a researcher who found a 1919 manuscript in the church archives from the papers of E. Wesley Smith, president of the Hawaii mission who tells his brother, Joseph Fielding Smith of an attack on him by Cain, described similarly to David Patten’s earlier sighting. So there’s a long history of the Bigfoot legend being linked to Mormonism.


In 2000 I produced a radio program for a church-owned radio station where the guest was Ryan Layton, a resident of Layton, Utah and one of the country’s experts on Bigfoot. He claims Utah is a “hot spot” for Bigfoot sightings and I was amazed at the number of people that called in claiming to have had an experience. So, I’m going to ask you the same questions I put out that day- do you believe in Bigfoot? Do you believe there’s a Mormon connection? Why is a culture that’s so quick to accept the idea of ghosts and sasquatches, just as fast to dismiss the thought that other religious possibilities may exist? By the way, the photo is purported to be of a "skunk ape," which is Florida's version of Bigfoot. I guess humans aren't the only ones who like to retire there.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I love satire and so do the maker's of www.JibJab.com cartoons. I wanted to bring to your attention their newest one, which you can "star" in. I uploaded my oldest child's face and while he had no idea what the cartoon was about, he thought it was amazing to see himself as a cartoon.

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Recently I've seen a lot of people posting these on
their blogs. Since I'd like to remain anonymous, I
decided to see which celebrity Joseph Smith most
resembled. I tried different photos, but this one got
the most masculine results. Personally, I think
Barry Manilow gets my vote for being the closest
physical match. What do you think?

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

I Think I Know How Obama Feels

***If you've already read this, be sure to check out the new comment from the administrator of LDS Blogs--what are your thoughts on his response?***

I submitted my blog to one of the Mormon blog libraries and they responded that it was too “taboo” for them. So I tried another one, got a response, followed their directions and nothing happened. Okay, I thought, I admit to being edgy. In my mind I like to think I’m being honest about the questions and struggles that many people with a Mormon background have. Then I thought maybe a “recovering” Mormon website would list me, nope, seems I’m not “ex” enough for them. So where does a person like me fit in on the spectrum of Mormonism? I’m a seventh generation Mormon from one of the families often mentioned in our history and my name is on the church records, but I admit that over the years (and after some deep research and answered prayers) I’ve become an unbeliever while my husband still liberally practices the faith. That said, I’ll admit that a lot of my life is lived through a Mormon perspective, that in many ways I adhere to some of the tenants (some just make sense) and I could probably lie my way to a temple recommend, but honestly I don’t want to. Where does that leave me?

In Utah it left me branded as being deceived by Satan when I got a different “answer”, someone to be pitied and pursued. Most of the LDS friends and neighbors I grew up with, went to school with, pulled away if I told them about my thoughts. On the East coast it left me with lots of LDS friends who welcomed me no matter my beliefs, some even sharing them. It brought me back to sacrament meeting with my husband and into the nursery with my child. I was part of the community, accepted as I was. Now in the South (and partially in UT) it again has isolated me, brought people to my door with no interest in befriending me, only wanting to save and promote themselves by bringing about my “prodigal son” return.

So what is the identity of a person not Mormon enough to be welcomed into the fold as they are, but not ex-Mormon enough to forget their ancestry and personal past?

Sometimes I Steal Things

I went to Target to have my baby’s photo done, which is always stressful because you have to time a bath, nap, and feeding perfectly then inevitably they will get something on their outfit before the picture. While paying I ended up in a long discussion with the photographer about scrapbooking then I continued on to do my grocery shopping, and by the end both of my children were fussy. At the register the baby was crying and my four-year-old was begging for a nearby junky toy and candy bar that by now he should’ve figured out I have yet to buy. As I got the last item out of my cart, I realized I’d left my wallet back at the portrait studio, so I told the clerk I’d be right back. With both kids whining I ran the cart back only to find two other groups waiting for the photographer who was in doing a session. I waited and waited as the kids only got crankier. Finally I flagged down someone in a red shirt with a radio who said the photographer had taken it to the customer service desk. Another line and more waiting and I was again in possession of my personal filing system. I ran back to the cash register and found there was a new clerk who said the sale had been suspended, handed me my bags, and said I’d have to get back in line. Since the items were things I needed that night, I had no choice but to wait behind two people while pulling ridiculous faces to keep the kids entertained (and me from crying) until finally we were in the parking lot.

It was then that I realized that at the bottom of the cart was the fajita seasoning (.47 cents) for that evening’s dinner and since it was the same color as the cart and I’d gotten distracted, I’d hadn’t put it up on the belt. I thought back to a story I’d heard multiple times at church, something about one of the General Authorities and how he’d mistakenly received two ten cent sodas when he’d only paid for one and how he went and gave it back. I debated for a minute as the kiddie howling from the van intensified. “How much is your integrity worth?” I remembered my primary teacher asking after the lesson. Since I knew I’d never be a prophet, (mostly because I lack a penis) I closed the van door and went home to make fajitas. Sister Hayes, I’d say .47 cents.

I'm As Mad As Hell & I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore

This morning I went to the ear, nose, and throat doctor because I’ve had something going on with my inner ear that’s making me dizzy. I was disappointed to see the office my primary provider had referred me to was over twenty miles away, but I didn’t want to jump through the insurance hoops to get someone else. I arrived on time for my appointment, filled out the mound of forms that required me to supply the same answers three times, then took my seat on a worked-in couch. Immediately I chastised myself for not bring my own reading material because the only offerings were outdated issues of “Hearing Technology” magazine. I looked around at the other patients, noting a majority of them were elderly.

As the minutes ticked by my mental calculator was adding up babysitting and gas costs and I noticed the waiting room was starting to fill up. I watched as one mother made her three boys go sit on the curb outside since there were no seats (it was in the nineties), then men began giving up their seats to incoming elderly patients. I looked at my watch and an hour has passed. I got up and asked the receptionist when I’d be up; she left and came back, “Mrs. Adams you’re up next.” That would be great except that isn’t my name I thought. I took my seat. The nurse came out and announced, “The doctor's running behind so you can either wait or reschedule,” she said in a take it or leave it tone, you could feel the atmosphere of the waiting room turn into a tense one.

I stood up and walked back to the receptionist, “I’m leaving and I’m not rescheduling. I want my chart too.”

“We can’t give you that,” she said in a clipped Asian accent.

“I don’t want you to have my information. It should be like I was never here. It’s my chart and I want it now!” I could feel the eyes of the other patients on me, some silently cheering, others trying to size up how crazy I was.

“Okay,” she said knowing I was on the verge of leaping across the counter and at half my size, she’d have little chance.

I took my paperwork and left. When I got home I read what was in it. Seems my doctor referred me for “dizziness and giddiness.” Worried he thought me a flake, I looked up giddiness in the dictionary and in addition to meaning lighthearted, it’s another word for dizzy. Good thing because there was no giddiness in my voice when I called and told him what I thought of his referral.

Blog On My Blog About Other Blogs

It's been one of those days… I’m hoping you’ll post some links to the other blogs you read and find compelling, gotta keep an eye on the competition. Also, here’s some ideas I’m working on, which one would you like to read next?

1- I’m Christian…Until I Drive
2- Porn, What Is It?
3- We Live In Dirty Zion
4- Strangers In Our Bedroom
5- Great, Now I Get To Read Outdated Ensigns
6- Cain Takes A Vacation

Who Should Own This Word?

I started a light-hearted blog entry on a celestial sex topic, but my mind kept going back to Thursday when the LDS church issued another statement with regard to the term “fundamentalist Mormon,” and other uses of the word “Mormon” as associated with outside groups. As I applaud and support the church’s efforts to distance themselves from these sects, I do not believe they can claim ownership of such a broad word and in fact the U.S patent and trademark office agrees with me as they denied their request for a trademark(except when it’s used for the church’s educational services ). As I’ve mentioned in past blogs, I’ve spent the past three years researching the FLDS church as part of a book and for several decades these “peculiar people” have proudly identified themselves as “fundamentalist Mormons” since they quite literally follow the teachings of Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon to the extreme. So where did the controversial “FM” term come from? Well one source reports that in the 1940’s LDS Apostle Mark E. Petersen (why is there always a middle initial?) coined the phrase the mainstream church is now trying to do away with.

The other element I find fascinating is that I can recall a letter being read from the pulpit in February of 2001 where we were all asked to refer to ourselves at “Latter-Day Saints,” and not “Mormons.” Overnight the “M” word disappeared from our Utah lexicon replaced by “LDS” at every turn. Then on March 6th of the same year while I was working for the church, I received a press release that said we were only to refer to the church by its full name or “The Church of Jesus Christ,” and “the church” on second and shorter references. Again, the word “Mormon” was only said in hushed tones between friendly co-workers, but in the outside world nothing changed and the world went on using "Mormon" as it always had- to describe any follower of Joseph Smith.

So those of you reading this from the plush carpeted top floors of 50 N. South Temple in Salt Lake City, please continue to do your best to distance us from the “renegade sects” festering on the Utah/Arizona border, Texas, Canada, Mexico, Colorado and a few Southern states, but just know the word “Mormon” is something you can’t reclaim after you’ve spent years telling us we should throw it away.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I don't know about you but I loathe being advertised to in my home, especially through junkmail and telemarketers. They both waste minutes of my valuable time, the junkmail kills trees, and they're both, well, annoying. So earlier this year I decided I was going to do something about it. Here are the three best resources I've found and already I've seen a huge reduction in the amount of advertising we get and the telemarkets have stopped calling!

1- www.Catalogchoice.org All you have to do is sign up- it's free, and when you get a catalog put the info into Catalog Choice's form and they will contact the company to let them know you no longer want to be contact. It takes a few months to kick in, but well worth your effort.

2- www.optoutprescreen.com/opt_form.cgi This is how you let the major credit card companies know that for the next five years you don't want to see any more of those annoying offer letters promising your five-year-old a $1,000 line of credit.

3- www.donotcall.gov Just give them your info and after a few months the calls will stop. This is not a permanent solution so when the calls start up again because your request has expired, you'll need to sign up again.

Why Do This?

While I appreciate hearing everyone's opinions on the “Men On A Mission” calendar, and I have to say some excellent points were made on why this calendar shouldn't have been made- countering my own position, it saddens me to see that some have used my blog to write personal attacks against another person's standing in the church. This shows that tolerance and patience should continue to be preached from the pulpit.

I spent a good part of last night and today wondering if I wanted to continue with this blog, especially when it had the potential to cause so much angst in people’s lives. Why is it we have such a difficult time, particularly in the LDS church, when someone expresses a position different than our own? Is free agency not the very point of our existence?

When I started this blog it was because I wanted to know if I was alone in my thoughts and I now know I’m not, so I’ve decided to continue as in the end I write for no one but myself. If you choose to share my journey, then I welcome you, no matter your choices. Yes, you may find from time to time there are viewpoints expressed by me and other readers that you disagree with—that doesn’t make anyone Satan’s minion- as Mormons, and especially mothers, we’re all just doing what we think is right for ourselves and our families. Aren’t we all stronger members of the church and people in general when we listen to other viewpoints in a world with so much diversity? Who said we all have to agree all of the time? That isn’t how progress comes about. I invite you to move forward with me and ask you to continue posting that we all might find clarity in our lives.

Don't Mess With With A Missionary Man

**Update- those of you who chose excommunication as a poll answer were correct as that was the final outcome.

My “Men On A Mission” calendar is currently hanging up in the craft room next to a sign that reads, “Families Are Forever? Oh heck!,” because let’s face it, one begat the other. Today one of my readers tipped me off to a story posted on TMZ.com that reveals that the creator of the chesty missionary calendar is facing a disciplinary council “on ‘his’ behalf.” Click here to read the letter from the stake president.

So, should Chad Hardy the creator of the calendar be disfellowshipped or excommunicated for “conduct unbecoming a member of the church?” In my opinion, no.
I think instead of a disciplinary letter from the church, he should’ve received a thank you note. What his calendar did was show that Mormons, men in particular, aren’t as conservative and awkward as the outside world often believes-- that maybe, they’re actually normal. If you flip through the calendar you’ll see the men show nothing more than if they were at the public pool, if only my old Mormon missionary looked that good when shirtless and oiled!

The other item of note is that the letter stipulates that the witnesses he provides must be members of the church. What if the person who could best defend you wasn’t? What about religious justice? I hope Mr. Hardy does attend the disciplinary council and is as candid about his experience as he’s been with the stake president's letter.

Please, post your opinion, especially if you have another view. If you’ve ever wondered who the “Molly Mormon” is that writes this blog, well hopefully you’ll be seeing a lot of me in Mr. Hardy’s next calendar, Mormon Muffins: A Taste Of Motherhood-- that is if he’s looking for lumpy muffins.

Who's Cursed By Color?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that everything in life has a yin to its yang and having a roasty tan is no exception. It seems during summer everyone becomes obsessed with getting a tan and who wouldn’t be, we’ve been taught they look healthy and sexy. Personally, I’m a little mixed about the whole thing and here’s why. This past week both my husband and I went to see the dermatologist, luckily I had nothing to complain about except acne breakouts and fine lines (I stay out of the sun), but my leather faced celestial sex partner had to have several items burned and biopsied. However, I must note he enjoyed it because the doctor and nurse are both beautiful women and he said it was like a porno to be sitting on a table in nothing but a hospital gown and to have them probing around his skin—his description, not mine.

Presently I’m considering a spray tan before our vacation, but I’m not sure I want to bare my sagging breasts to some teenager wielding a spray gun, well, unless they can paint my boobs to look they aren’t resting on my stomach and a few abs would be nice. Another alternative that a friend has confessed to using is melatone injections which turn your skin darker…um, yeah, a little too scary and non-FDA approved for me. This highlights how obsessed people can get with being tan.

So, this summer I’ll be unfashionable by slathering on the sunblock---oh, wait! I just read a study that said a majority of sunblocks don’t work and are full of toxic chemicals. When I looked up the spray SPF 70 that I’d just bought for my children, I found it was rated one of the worst on the market. Find yours here: http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/special/sunscreens2008/findyoursunscreen.php

It seems that when it comes to the sun I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I think the scriptures have it all wrong, it’s not those with dark skin that were cursed, it’s those of us who are “white and delightsome.”

Ghosts In The Graveyard Can't Catch Me

Growing up I was taught to avoid the occult or paranormal, which I did except for ghost stories at girls camp, the occasional visit to a graveyard at night with teenage friends or by playing “light as a feather, soft as a cloud” at slumber parties. But recently I’ve become interested in the paranormal for several reasons. Late one night I found myself watching a show called Ghost Hunters because it was filmed at a location literally down the street from my Rhode Island house. Now I’m a big skeptic so I wanted to know more about the credibility of the two goofs on the show running around in the dark, reporting that’d seen things, and well, I was surprised to learn that one of them, Grant Wilson, was/is a Mormon. I’d be curious to know how this impacts his “ghost hunting.”

Mostly what intrigued me about the program were the “EVPs”- human voices caught on digital tape recorders. My academic background/research is in the communications field and I’ve worked in broadcast for a majority of my career so the idea that it may be possible to communicate in another form has caught my interest. While I’m skeptical of anything I haven’t experienced myself—and no, I’ve never seen a ghost, but I’m open to the possibility. What do you think, are there ghosts? Also, through the lens of Mormonism what did you learn about ghosts growing up? What is the LDS church's doctrine on ghosts as off hand I have no idea! Do you think Grant Wilson of Ghost Hunters would have any conflict by being a Mormon and ghost hunting?

Also, an open invitation to all ghosts, I'm here and I'm ready to talk... if you're even there.

Green Tea Here To Stay

Okay, this is the last post I'm going to write related to green tea and the WoW. If you aren't aware of the ongoing green tea saga, please read below"Hot Drinks Until I'm 1oo."

Today I got back my cholesterol results. If you recall, my past results had been high and both doctors I'd gone to suggested cholesterol lowering drugs since it was higher than 200, which I thought was a bad idea so I started looking for alternative treatments. Here are the results for Nov '05, (I didn't go in 06) Oct 07 (after this I started drinking green tea) and July '08.

TOTAL NUMBER 2005- 214 2007- 229 2008- 196

Nine months later and this is the lowest number I've ever had.

HDL (healthy cholesterol) 2005- 67 2007- 66 2008- 64 (should be more than 40)

LDL (lousy cholesterol) 2005- 129 2007- 147 2008- 114 (should be less than 130)

I guess I'll continue to drink my wicked green gentile brew!!

God Told Him I Was "The One"

I’m always a little suspicious when God gives revelation to someone else on my behalf. Such was the case during the summer of 1995 when I was in college and going through what my BFF’s call my “seminary teacher phase.” That summer I was a dating magnet for future seminary teachers and it probably didn’t help that I was taking a heavy load of institute classes, was in the (LDS) Lambda Delta Sigma sorority, attending institute dances at every college, and was determined to catch me a strapping prophet in the making. I’d been dating several guys at the time, but started going out with one guy in particular several times, but it was nothing exclusive. He was a good seven years older than me, was about to graduate, had been student body president at the university, and was an awesome makeout. On the night in question we’d gone down to a “clean” comedy club near BYU, then afterwards I met his parents, and finally a little lovin’ on the family couch. As he was driving me home he kept asking deep questions about my testimony, which I answered with conviction. And then it all went bad. I remember sitting at a red light and him saying,

“What are your thoughts on marriage?” And of course my reply was positive.
“What are your thoughts on marrying ME?” He asked leaving me speechless. I can recall putting my hand on the car door handle and thinking we weren’t going that fast and that I could probably just roll off to the side if I jumped out.

When I didn’t respond his voice took on that shaky spiritual tone you often hear in testimony meetings and he said, “I’ve been praying about us and Heavenly Father has told me that you’re- “The One.” My mind raced between wanting to scream and wondering if Heavenly Father really had told him I should be his wife. “Pray about it and let me know," he said as we sat in the driveway of my parent’s house.
To which I responded,“Peter (fake name), we’ve had a lot of great dates, but I just don’t think I’m ready to marry you.” And he took it really well for a man who’d been talking to God only to find his “chosen” target was uncooperative.

A few days later I went to my sorority meeting. It was tradition that if a girl got engaged we’d have a “rose circle” and that night it was announced that there’d be one. Getting into a circle we started singing the sorority theme song (I know pathetic huh?) while we passed around a red rose, each girl lingering with it to fool everyone else into thinking it was them until it reached “Jessica,” one of my sorority sisters that I knew, but not that well. When it got to her and she refused to pass it on, all of us jumped up and down screaming. Someone asked who the groom was, and she responded with “Peter ______” and my heart sank. So, Heavenly Father does indeed work in mysterious ways and sometimes he gives those he talks to a Plan B.