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Tonight I went to a mother’s gathering where I met some other mothers and when they heard I’m from Utah, they immediately wanted to know about polygamy, which happens to be something I know quite a bit about. To give you some background, in 2001 I met Tom Green, a polygamist who was married to five women and was convicted of four counts of bigamy later that year. I’d expected to get an uneasy feeling from him, you know that letchy creepiness that sends a shiver down your spine? Well, I didn’t come away with that at all and after several years of being in the presence of criminals and misfits of every sort, I consider myself a good barometer of people. What I did find was a man who deeply believed in his religion, loved his family, and was socially awkward so his interview left me wanting to better understand the principle he was willing to go to prison for. In 2005 I found myself with a free summer and I started researching polygamy which lead me to writing a novel that I’m still working on, and working on, and working on.
Anyway, one of the women I met tonight asked why the FLDS thought it was okay to marry girls who were around fourteen-years-old and it’s a complicated answer with many reasons, but the most important one hasn’t gotten much coverage in the media and it’s bothering me. The FLDS take everything literally from the Book Of Mormon (except the Word of Wisdom) and the life of Joseph Smith. Those of you who read church history undoubtedly know of the prophet’s polygamy, including his marriages to two fourteen-year-old girls- Helen Mar Kimball and Nancy Winchester (may have been fifteen), five of his other wives were under eighteen. In light of Joseph Smith’s example, the FLDS view this as God saying it’s acceptable to marry teens, so you can understand my doubts when the FLDS spokesman stands on a dusty road outside the YFZ ranch and says they will no longer marry underage women.
I just wanted this noted so a handful of years from now when they find out girls are still being married underage (or promised)—but might be waiting until the legal age to consummate it, I can say, “I told you so” and feel bad about having to say it. Do you believe the FLDS when they say they won't marry underage girls and how young is too young to marry?
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
2 years ago
6 comments:
Both my great grandmas, and my great greats were married by 18, most of them 14 or 15. And by choice. And their marriages lasted.
It's all a matter of what is acceptable in the culture you were raised in. 18 used to be the age most women married, now it's late 20s and 30s. I got married at 21 and people thought it was too soon. So, it's all a matter of opinion.
This is their religion. If they believe it and want to do it, and no one is being hurt, then I say go for it. Now, in the cases of the girls who don't want to be married, forcing them is terrible. People should still be allowed to choose who they marry!
I don't think it's right to marry 14 year old girls to 50 year old men. This is just pedophilia masked in religion, but from a biological standpoint, let's face it, 14 is very practical. A woman's highest fertility range is from 14-24 so if you want to have high birth rates, that's the time to get started. And, no they aren't going to stop no matter what they say. But I do wish that people would stop thinking that the FLDS church is the LDS church. The LDS church may still practice polygamy (and don't say they don't, we just do it legally--men can be sealed to more than one woman, they just can't all be living, and this is still polygamy in an eternal way), but at least we aren't breaking the law. I'm all for living your religion, but there needs to be some moral boundaries.
I think you have to look at the perspectives. In the mid 1800 most girls got married or were engaged to be married by 15 or 16. If you werent even engaged by 18 or 19 you were an old maid. So you can't judge them by today's standard. But today it is not acceptable to marry at 14, they are still considered children. At 14 now, you dont know who you are, you dont know how to be you much less ho to be someone else's wife, someone else's mother. You just get absorbed into what they want you to be. And I don't think it's right. Especially to old men, possible relative's etc. I have no problem with polygamy in general but it should be a choice, a sound choice made by consenting adults. Adults being key...no marriages spiritual or otherwise by anyone under 18. Joseph Smith didn't even consummate those marriages with his 14 yr old wives. I don't think they would keep their word but I do wish they would at least let those girls grow up and make that choice themselves instead of telling them they would go to Hell if they dont marry and sleep with that old man their leader picked for them. And I dont think their leader has the right to take them away from their husbands and "give" them to someone else as wife either. They should not be chess pieces to be moved around at will.
To the last poster, I would ask that you do two things to research your perspective of the mid-1800's and Joseph Smith's polygamy.
1- Please look at the census of 1850 and you will see the average female marrying age is 19+ (Even Laura Ingles Wilder's father wouldn't let her get married until 18) Most of the young brides at that time were in situations/places where there were few choices.
www.archives.gov
2- Please read the journal of Helen Mar Kimball (married at 14, Joseph was 38), it has been transcribed and is available on Amazon. You're right, there is no conclusive evidence of consumation. After you read her account of how she came to be married to JS, please read the recent FLDS accounts in Escape and
Stolen Innocense and let me know if you see any parallels.
I think that expecting 14-year-old girls to be emotionally prepared for marriage and possibly motherhood is preposterous! I was always very mature, precocious, for my age, but even marrying at 20 I had so much room to grow emotionally. In the early days of the church I understand that there were reasons for doing things the way they were done, concerning polygamy and such, but that has absolutely no bearing on what is and what should be today. The church has renounced the practice as far as physically keeping many wives and families at once on earth, and that is enough.
Personally, I will never have enough "eternal perspective" to tolerate sharing my husband, nor would I wish to be the wife of many men. Not even if I died first and my husband remarried. He just better do it civilly because there isn't a mansion big enough...
Molly's right. Check out what she's saying. Polyandry and polygamy was the modis operandi of JS and BY.
I don't care what other do, including gay marriage, man-dog marriage, whatever, as long as it's not in my face. But as a society, EVEN in the early 1800s, there were standards of morality to be adhered to, and forcing yourself on 14-year-olds while hiding behind the prophetic mantle crosses the line. Age of majority should be the standard. Two (or more) consenting ADULTS...etc., etc., etc.
And no matter what the LDS church does, it will not be able to separate itself from the FLDS. That's Joseph's legacy. If you have a problem with it, take it up with him.
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