Random Notes To Myself

I'm going to try writing blog entries again, but to be honest, I don't have the time to proof them like I used to, so they're going to be sloppy. Also, I think I'm going to use this more as a "journal" since I'm so awful at actually writing in one, but the desire is there.

Lately things have been shitty, but in a weird way. My husband lost his job, but that in itself isn't so bad, except now he's home all day and I find that irritating. It's like he's my new co-worker---you know the one who has no idea what to do, so you give him direction and he yells he's "suffocating" and "your not my boss," before he goes back to playing on his Ipod while you do the dishes. I guess I expected that if he was going to be home, he'd do half the housework...not so far, but we're still renegotiating our roles.

Next shitty thing- politics. I like Obama, I want to see him succeed, I want this recession to end, but sometimes it seems that the Rush Limbaugh's of the world are everywhere. You don't have to agree with Obama, but why can't they just give him a chance, after all, their guy struck out? I guess I just get frustrated that it's not always clear what the best thing to do is.

Final shitty thing is that I'm bored. Probably why I'm sitting here typing tonight. It's been one of those days when I resent what my life is--cleaning house, cooking meals, raising children. It just seems so predictable and common at times.
I also need to finish my book, but it seems like lately I just don't have the energy. Instead I end up on Facebook measuring my life against everyone I've ever known. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off just not being on there, not knowing that so and so just got a Mercedes (always with photo included), that so and so is the relief society president and that their little Johnny is pulling all A's in school. Often I'll type out some shocking and untrue "status" to post, "Holy snot, I didn't know you were gay" or "Man, if I'd known you were running a prostitution ring out of your house," they'd respond. But I always chicken out, not wanting to ruin the image I've created of myself for them to compare against when they're bored.

She's Doin' The Nasty With A Coach Bag

In the past few weeks two of my friends have confessed to infidelity. To make it even worse, they’ve both been doing it at the mall. One of them was kind enough to spell out the details of a particularly sordid episode where she admitted to feeling a little low about herself on the day in question, which happens when you’re a woman like us- a mother who puts her children and husband first and who rarely gets the chance to dress up and go out all while watching your youth fade away in the vanity mirror. Plus, some days your kids are more than you can stand so you feel like rewarding yourself for not killing them—yet. So, you run out looking for a not-so-cheap thrill.

“Feeling bad about yourself happens,” I reassured her, “After awhile you start to wonder what’s happened to, well- you, and off to the mall you go looking for redemption only to find temptation. Before you know it, you’ve picked up a new toy, one you’ll put in the closet for a few weeks, then pull out and hope your husband doesn’t notice.” Unfortunately for me, I picked an opinionated metrosexual husband who notices such things. “Yes,” she agreed, “That’s how it started, except now I’m doing it all the time and it’s costing us a fortune. Jake (name change to protect the innocent) wonders why we can barely keep up with the mortgage.”

The experts call what she’s doing financial infidelity and maybe some of you will recognize that you've also got a cheating heart. My friend’s vice is designer bags, but she tells her husband they’re from Target, since he won’t know the difference and she pays all the bills so he doesn’t see those either. Now I’ve had financial affairs, but never with a big-ticket item because, well, I’m too cheap. My secret vice is buying overpriced European chocolate bars and eating them in my minivan before I have to go home and share, but they say chocolate is the gateway to more serious crimes, so I'm trying to stop...

So, are you having a financial affair? With whom- Louie V, Versace, Coach? What advice do you give to friend who is stealing her family’s financial future for a fashion season of name-brand vachetta leather rubbing against her chest?