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In the past few weeks two of my friends have confessed to infidelity. To make it even worse, they’ve both been doing it at the mall. One of them was kind enough to spell out the details of a particularly sordid episode where she admitted to feeling a little low about herself on the day in question, which happens when you’re a woman like us- a mother who puts her children and husband first and who rarely gets the chance to dress up and go out all while watching your youth fade away in the vanity mirror. Plus, some days your kids are more than you can stand so you feel like rewarding yourself for not killing them—yet. So, you run out looking for a not-so-cheap thrill.
“Feeling bad about yourself happens,” I reassured her, “After awhile you start to wonder what’s happened to, well- you, and off to the mall you go looking for redemption only to find temptation. Before you know it, you’ve picked up a new toy, one you’ll put in the closet for a few weeks, then pull out and hope your husband doesn’t notice.” Unfortunately for me, I picked an opinionated metrosexual husband who notices such things. “Yes,” she agreed, “That’s how it started, except now I’m doing it all the time and it’s costing us a fortune. Jake (name change to protect the innocent) wonders why we can barely keep up with the mortgage.”
The experts call what she’s doing financial infidelity and maybe some of you will recognize that you've also got a cheating heart. My friend’s vice is designer bags, but she tells her husband they’re from Target, since he won’t know the difference and she pays all the bills so he doesn’t see those either. Now I’ve had financial affairs, but never with a big-ticket item because, well, I’m too cheap. My secret vice is buying overpriced European chocolate bars and eating them in my minivan before I have to go home and share, but they say chocolate is the gateway to more serious crimes, so I'm trying to stop...
So, are you having a financial affair? With whom- Louie V, Versace, Coach? What advice do you give to friend who is stealing her family’s financial future for a fashion season of name-brand vachetta leather rubbing against her chest?
fMh Anniversary
8 months ago
4 comments:
This used to be a problem for me, in the early years of our marriage. We were both working very hard to pay off student debt and get our life started...My husband took a part-time night job, on top of his day-time salaried job. I was lonely...so lonely...and so sad that my young marriage was already veering off the road into the ditch. I could see that was happening, even though there were no dramatic signals. Comforting my heart, doing anything not to feel lonely or bored...I shopped! I shopped a lot. I didn't buy any one thing that was extravagant...I just bought lots of stuff. And I ate out at restaurants and treated my friends if they had time to spend with me...
That was such a sad time. I can't even say that there was a dramatic turnaround. Things just changed, and I am so glad that they did!
The more stress you feel, the more you feel the need to "do something." It might be buy things, eat things, exercise too much... Everyone has a way of venting. And it's not healthy!
Last year I realized I had lost myself to my marriage and kids. I changed that right away. I am now developing talents, going to school, trying to better myself. It's better for kids to have a mom who can do things besides clean up a mess.
I also give Chris opportunities to have the kids so I can have some "me time." He knows it's important so he's up for it.
I keep the finances but, DH would totally notice the new things... Although an occasional trip to the Scrapbook Store certainly makes for a more cheery me!
I call it going on a shopping binge. I have been binging lately and so has my husband. I am usually fairly honest with him when I spend too much but I admit sometimes I hide it, or say "I'll tell him if he asks" and just hope he never asks.
I also tend to not make large puchases (that is my husband's forte- $2000 TV, $100 at the bookstore, $500 for a PS3, etc) but I buy lots and lots of small things that add up and add clutter to the house and just stress me out more in the long run.
It is definitely a temporary high and shopping, especially online shopping, is a distraction from stress for me. Gives me something to focus on besides all the mommy/wifer stuff.
I usually get over my binges in a few weeks and move onto a different addiction. This is the strength of my husband and I: we both have addictive personalities, but short attention spans, so our addictions flare up and peter out in a matter of weeks or months instead of years.
I am just rambling. Sorry.
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