Random Notes To Myself

I'm going to try writing blog entries again, but to be honest, I don't have the time to proof them like I used to, so they're going to be sloppy. Also, I think I'm going to use this more as a "journal" since I'm so awful at actually writing in one, but the desire is there.

Lately things have been shitty, but in a weird way. My husband lost his job, but that in itself isn't so bad, except now he's home all day and I find that irritating. It's like he's my new co-worker---you know the one who has no idea what to do, so you give him direction and he yells he's "suffocating" and "your not my boss," before he goes back to playing on his Ipod while you do the dishes. I guess I expected that if he was going to be home, he'd do half the housework...not so far, but we're still renegotiating our roles.

Next shitty thing- politics. I like Obama, I want to see him succeed, I want this recession to end, but sometimes it seems that the Rush Limbaugh's of the world are everywhere. You don't have to agree with Obama, but why can't they just give him a chance, after all, their guy struck out? I guess I just get frustrated that it's not always clear what the best thing to do is.

Final shitty thing is that I'm bored. Probably why I'm sitting here typing tonight. It's been one of those days when I resent what my life is--cleaning house, cooking meals, raising children. It just seems so predictable and common at times.
I also need to finish my book, but it seems like lately I just don't have the energy. Instead I end up on Facebook measuring my life against everyone I've ever known. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off just not being on there, not knowing that so and so just got a Mercedes (always with photo included), that so and so is the relief society president and that their little Johnny is pulling all A's in school. Often I'll type out some shocking and untrue "status" to post, "Holy snot, I didn't know you were gay" or "Man, if I'd known you were running a prostitution ring out of your house," they'd respond. But I always chicken out, not wanting to ruin the image I've created of myself for them to compare against when they're bored.

When Bad Things Happen To Bad People

The last few days I’ve been working through some thoughts on the unfortunate events that are a part of everyone’s mortal living. I make it no secret that I’m not the best Mormon, nor do I want to be and several family members who are more devout, not to mention seminary teachers and bishopric members, really dislike that about me. So, often when negative things happen in my life, and so far they’ve all been health-related having nothing to do with our family’s lifestyle choices, just the randomness of biology, I get a strange vibe from some people. Their off-hand comments have led me to believe that they think we somehow deserve to be punished. Is it just me or is this somehow a perspective brought on by the Mormon culture? Just as God grants blessings to those who practice a certain outline of obedience, he can zing those who have different ideas of faithfulness ? I’m not sure, it could just be them, but where would they get this? It all strikes me as, well, a little Medieval. Remember in your history class when they talked about the dark ages and how they thought mentally ill, handicapped, or ugly people were being punished by God for their sins---well, sometimes I can relate and it’s been over a thousand years.