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I no longer want to be a member of the LDS church. Period. I've known this for awhile, but I was thinking it might be a little more "fun" and point-making if I found a way to get myself excommunicated. Then friends pointed out to me that if I do this it would be on the LDS church's terms and they would get to pick the reason for my losing my membership and make me out to be a wild-eyed apostate. So, I'm back to writing a letter, especially in light of recent developments that I'll post shortly.
There's one catch--my celestial sex partner doesn't want me to. He wants to remain with the church though he's not your most devout member. He believes that if I write the letter, that will make him a target and it's better if we continue to live under the radar. He doesn't understand my need to end my relationship with the church because it's not like it factors into my life at this point.
I beg to differ. I think it will give me "closure"---how I hate that word, but for the first time in my life it's the only one that fits. At the age of eight I was deemed ready to join a church and with one letter I hope to undo a decision I wasn't mentally prepared to make at that age. Whenever people hear I'm from Utah they ask, "Are you Mormon?" I'd like to be able to say, "no" and know it's true.
The other things he points out is that it won't make a difference to the church if they get a letter from me. He's right, but from what I'm reading my letter won't be the only one they receive in the coming year---I think I'm at the beginning of a trend.
So, I'm waiting as I value my marriage and leaving the church just isn't worth the struggle right now. When Tommy Monson stands up in conference this April and brags about a membership of 13 million, just know it's minus 1.
fMh Anniversary
8 months ago
10 comments:
My wife didn't want me to leave either, but like you, I needed closure. I sent my letter in last year, more than two years after I first told my wife that I was done with the church. The church doesn't make it easy to leave, but after almost three months of waiting, I finally received confirmation that I was no longer a member. Yes, it was exactly the closure I was looking for.
I don't think my wife has become a target, but a lot of that has to do with the ground rules I set (she didn't like them, but learned to deal with them):
- no visits from missionaries
- no visits from home teachers
- no visits from the bishop or any other member of the clergy
- no lying about my status so as to give people the impression that there is hope I'll come back.
- no asking me to go to church
- no dictating to me how I will spend Sundays
I also wrote a "frequently asked questions" letter to my family so that they'd understand just a little bit about why I was leaving. I didn't go into too much detail--I know no Mormon who really cares why anyone leaves the church (we're all sinners, dontcha know?)--but I gave them enough to know that I was done and that the most important reason was that I no longer believed in any form of god.
Whatever you choose, congratulations on your decision. Leaving Mormonism behind is one of the best things I've ever done. Whoever said there is no happiness outside of the church clearly never experienced life outside the church.
I'm actually struggling with the idea of leaving my church as well, although I am not Mormon. I was born and raised Catholic and for years I was okay with being what the church terms "Cafeteria Catholic" I took what I needed from the Church and left the rest on the table.
There have only been two moments when I have been glad to be Catholic. The first was in high school when I went to Denver for World Youth Day and met Pope John Paul II. He was an incredibly inspiring figure. For the only time in my religious life, I felt at home. He talked about love, acceptance and tolerance and all these things resonated with me. When he passed away I felt that my identity as a Catholic was called into question. His papacy had framed my whole life to that point.
The second time I was relieved to be a Catholic was when I met the man I married. You see his parents are Opus Dei members and very very Catholic. They put up nary a peep at our wedding but publicly denounced their daughter for marrying a divorced Protestant and boycotted the wedding.
Anyway the past few years and months have proven to me that I can no longer participate in the church of my birth. Things that I have believed were true in the core of my being are now publicly called offenses worthy of excommunication. I have been counseled to no longer take communion and although that is a small part of the actual mass it is a large part of what makes a Catholic a Catholic. I would be welcome to return if I would ask for forgiveness and concede that my beliefs are sinful but in my heart I don't and won't.
So the question is do I remain as a non participant in the church of my birth or do I move on?
--Jenn Carlson
I'm on the opposite end of this discussion. My DH has begged to take his name off the records (and hasn't because he honestly feels like I would divorce him if he did.) I hope he doesn't but I understand the need to pull away from many of the things that are 'the church'. I'm still a 'TBM' and he can't understand my point of view either so I guess it's a double edged sword for everyone involved.
Wurd.
Doug
"...if I found a way to get myself excommunicated."
This sounds like this could be something very exciting. A letter is boring. Maybe sue the church for all of your tithing back over the past couple of decades. That would make the headlines. Or, maybe you could look at other ways people were excommunicated from the church and get some inspiration. Then, put your twist on it.
When I got married I was blunt about being spiritual but not buying into organized religion. The pastor faked that this was OK until our wedding day. He then gave a speech to everyone about our lack of faith. Too bad social pressures and guilt don't work on me anymore.
Why does your partner want to remain a member of a church that would "target" him should you leave it? Is he admitting in his own way that he knows what they're all about?
You do know that if you want to be removed from the church records/rolls, all you have to do is ask, right? They're not going to tar and feather you or post your picture on a "We Hate These Evil Non-Members" list. Just ask your bishop (or write to him, if you don't want to face him) and he'll quietly take you off the lists.
sad and paranoid
Why don't I leave the Mormon church? The members are not perfect. Its leaders are not perfect. Even its presidents, or prophets, have never been perfect, beginning with Joseph Smith. Some of the doctrine are hard to understand. But as I study the "gospel" over each doctrinal doubt I've had, and I mean really study, not just accept some anti-Mormon or pro-Mormon rant, I just can't deny that there was a lot more to Joseph Smith and all of his successors than uncanny human intelligence can account for.
Congratulations on your exit!
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