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I read this interesting article in Time magazine, so please check it out and look for my reaction post later today.
This is one trend I hope the LDS church does not get involved with. It turns my stomach to think that "Larry," who is a bricklayer with a nervous laugh during the week but becomes "the bishop" when he puts on a tie and suit would think he has any perogative telling my celestial sex partner and I when, where and how to have sex. That also goes for those higher in the hierarchy. Also, I personally don't believe sex is the solution to a stale marriage, but the lack of it more a symptom of a floudering one-- having more bad sex, because let's face it when you aren't happy with your partner the sex can only be bad, won't jump start a relationship that's falling apart on all the other levels. While I see nothing wrong with scheduling sex, I simply think the belief that having more of it will improve your marriage is just another way to avoid the deeper issues.
At least these kinds of sermons will help keep the evangelicals in their bedrooms!
19 comments:
That was certainly interesting. While I am often put off by the church's vague comments and exhortations about sex, I am quite sure I would be more offended if suddenly the General Authorities presented us with a seminar of sorts, getting TOO involved with our private, intimate lives. In the pit of my stomach, this tactic strikes me as a bit perverse, and gives me one more reason to have a bad taste in my mouth for the modern evengelicals.
I'm not sure what the previous poster means, our church has 'been in the bedroom' since shortly after it started! When I got married my stake pres. talked about what was appropriate (and what wasn't) in that area, the more people I talk to the more I realize that it's not uncommon. I think the GA's coming out openly on the subject would be wonderful. I've love to see where they all stand on the subject.
I don't think that it is so much the quantity but the guality of the sex that helps the marriage. And I think that the General Authorities have said a lot about sex being a very important part of marriage. I know I have heard it from more than one of my bishops (in the confines of his office with me and my husband only). And isn't it ok for them to give counsel on how to keep families close, be it family home evening or a husband and wife making sure that intamacy an important part of their relationship. However, I have never heard of any of the leaders in the church saying anything too intrusive or getting too involved and I think that is a good thing. Give advice but don't be all up in every aspect of our "buisness". Also, I would prefer to take advice from someone with an LDS perspective rather than trying to listen to the way the world thinks sex should be.
Our marriage almost broke up last year almost purely because of lack of sex. It's too personal of a story to explain, but when we started having more sex it fixed the problems, not covered them, but fixed them.
I know it sounds weird, but you'll just have to take my word for it. Sometimes the answer is that simple.
More sex can help, the fact is that women in general don't think about it. We get so involved with being a mom and taking care of the house and all that stuff, we just don't think oh you know, we haven't had sex lately. To us, our relationship is still so strong and wonderful because we still love our husband. However, the man is thinking, "I guess she doesn't love me or think I'm sexy anymore because she doesn't want to have sex." So, yes, sometimes, more sex is the answer. I wish the GA were more specific quite frankly. It sure would put some of the grayer issues into the light. The book "And They Were Not Ashamed," is great too because it encourages one to seek the GA council and also to pray to the Lord for guidance in sexual matters. The fact is that the lack of sex, especially with men, is the cause of much hurt and marital destruction. I found the article very enlightening and I think we all can learn something from it.
While I think that sex and intimacy are important, I really don't think that a 30 days of sex program is what I want to hear from my leaders. I never had a sex talk with any of my leaders, and I am grateful. I know that some things are never ok like pornography and sodomy etc. but for the most part I feel like I am married, what we do is no one else's business. I don't need a bishop giving me bedroom "rules". I would feel really weird with him trying to help me do it better! Although I did like the part about having him help her finish her to-do list so he isn't just another thing on that list. I agree that more bad sex isn't the answer, or even just more. You would need to fix why there was a lack before just doing it more would help.
I think the last commenter got what I was saying, if you're lacking sex in your relationship, then WHY? Once you fix the WHY and the sex starts back up and all is good,it's not because of the sex but because you addressed the reason behind the lack of it.
Yes, I would agree that as far as churches go, the LDS church has done a decent job of letting everyone do their heterosexual thing...a new concept since in my mother's day she had to answer a temple question about her having oral sex!
The only people who don't think sex is healing in a relationship are those who are only having BAD sex. When it's good, satisfying, and steamy almost every time, you tend to use it as a tool to bring you and your spouse together more. BTW, men are much more aware of their feelings after having sex. So if you don't always make love at midnight, you might get a little intimate conversation out of your husband!
So I have been thinking about this for a few days. And today I remembered a 5 sunday when my bishop spoke to the women in relief society. He concluded by saying, " When it come's to intamacy, between you and your husband. It is a beautiful thing of you to give yourself to your husband, but on that note... it is yours to give, and not his to take. I hope you understand what I mean. " And he left it at that. The Men got the same talk, maybe more of a lecture the week before. I think that that was good. Nobody was sitting in their seats blushing, it was simple and to the point. Lets keep it that way.
I agree with the comments that addressing what is behind the lack of sex is the only way to really fix things. My experience with talks on sexuality in the church has always been positive. I haven't received any strange advice from any bishops or stake presidents. I think that's more of a personal issue with the individual bishop etc. Sadly they aren't perfect and say offensive or strange things sometimes. I think the general guidelines of love and respect are really the best advice that can be given by the church. I don't really want a playbook of rules.
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