There Is Beauty All Around?

One of my closest friends built a custom home in a suburb of Salt Lake City and I went to visit her after she’d finished decorating it. When I walked into the entryway, I had to walk back outside and look above the door to see if I’d missed the sign for Cabela’s. What I’d walked into was a living room full of dead, stuffed animals and a tall red rifle vault. On top of the television was a peasant ready to fly off with the entertainment center in its talons, a duck floating on a wooden end table, and a swan perched on the long sofa table. I stood wondering how much hunting prowess it’d taken to shoot the last two out of a park pond. When I sat on the leather couch I felt onstage as dozens of beady glass eyes from the cervidae family of animals glared down at us. On the log mantle stood a giant Christus with a redundant church distribution center painting overhead, a family photo of everyone dressed in denim resting on the hearth.

Now this isn’t a blog entry on hunting or animal cruelty, it’s about a trend I’m seeing in member taste, or lack thereof. I’m just suggesting the Ensign might want to include some articles on decorating as member homes (especially in Utah) tend to fall into three categories- Mormon kitsch, old world, or hunting lodge, however there are exceptions and hopefully your abode is one of them.

I want to focus on the Mormon kitsch decorating style as it seems the most common among stateside members. Here’s the basic decorative combination, you’ll know how devout you are by the number of objects you’re currently displaying.
1- A headshot of Christ and if you’re aiming for a bishopric position, then putting up five more will improve you chances (Christ in Red Robe by Del Parson is the classic)
2- A temple photo and if it’s one with a hidden image, even better or recently I’ve seen them etched in glass or on a mirror
3- A chimey and cheap upright Baldwin piano
4- On top of that piano there must be at least one Willow Tree figurine, a Christus, or the latest homemaking project
5- A vinyl sign or lettering that says something like, “Roberts Family, Established 1997” or “Love is Spoken Here”
6- And for those needing the daily reminder and maybe wanting to show off, the $185 dollar framed Family Proclamation or Articles of Faith currently available at Deseret Book (my mother-in-law has been frantic for one)

I’ll save the other two decorating styles and the size of Utah garages for another entry, but I wanted to bring it to everyone’s attention in case someone was looking for a spontaneous Relief Society topic for Sunday. And for those of you who think decorating in Mormon kitsch is perfectly lovely, well, you may see the Mormons conquering American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, and Survivor, but there hasn’t been a member that's won Top Design or Design Star.
I’m just saying…