Boys Will Be Boys

As we’ve gotten into our thirties, I’ve noticed the men in our age group have gotten more outwardly competitive. It seems that if my celestial sex partner gets a new piece of yard equipment, a week later our 30-something neighbor has the same thing or better, if my celestial sex partner has a male co-worker who gets a new techno gadget, a day later he begs for the same whistle and bell. I’ve always seen woman as being competitive with each other, but now I think the men are worse. Don’t believe me? Our ward is chock-full of 30-something couples and today he came home with an elder’s quorum “invitation” (in Mormondom this means a photocopied piece of white paper) to an adult pinewood derby. As if it wasn’t bad enough to vicariously compete through your sons when they hit this annual rite of passage, now the men have decided to just outright slug it out on the mock track. The best part of the invitation was this sentence, “Light refreshments will be served for your munching enjoyment so please sign up to bring a favorite snack or dessert.” That’s Mormon hospitality for you, here’s what will be served and you’re going to bring it, of course this is male code for, “what your wife should prepare” as let’s get real, how often does the male partner of a relationship actually worry about the food for an event? Nope, they’re too worried about their derby car weighing in at five ounces. And yeah, our car is going to kick your car’s ass.

Cain Or One Of The Three Nephites Exits Mortality?

For those who read my earlier post on connections between Mormonism, Bigfoot, Cain, and the Three Nephites. Here's a tantalizing update from The New York Times if you want to be the life of the party in gospel doctrine class this Sunday. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/15/us/15bigfoot.html?em

My guess, this is a big hoax for a couple of rednecks to drum up some business. They're holding a press conference today a noon PST to offer up more photos and DNA. If I'm wrong about this being a marketing scheme, and it is Bigfoot, well, I'll eat those entrails sitting on Bigfoot's tummy.

Cain Retires to the Sunshine State

I’ve always been fascinated, yet skeptical of the Bigfoot story. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized the version I grew up with was unique from the rest of the country. In rural Utah Bigfoot was not myth, but a reality linked into God’s eternal plan, something rarely preached from the pulpit but propagated by Mormon culture. As it was told, there were four Bigfoots who were actually the three Nephites (sometimes they are hitchhikers too) and Cain left to roam the earth until the second coming as told in the Book of Mormon. I recall my brother-in-law “bearing his testimony” about his bishop seeing Bigfoot pass through his field as he was tilling back in the early 80’s- at this time there’d been a rash of sightings in our area and coincidentally the “Miracle of Forgiveness” containing the text below was reprinted about that time.


“On the sad character Cain, an interesting story comes to us from Lycurgus A. Wilson’s book on the life of David W. Patten. From the book I quote an extract from a letter by Abraham O. Smoot giving his recollection of David Patten’s account of meeting “a very remarkable person who had represented himself as being Cain.’


‘As I was riding along the road on my mule I suddenly noticed a very strange personage walking beside me… His head was about even with my shoulders as I sat in my saddle. He wore no clothing, but was covered with hair. His skin was very dark. I asked him where he dwelt and he replied that he had no home, that he was a wanderer in the earth and traveled to and fro. He said he was a very miserable creature, that he had earnestly sought death during his sojourn upon the earth, but that he could not die, and his mission was to destroy the souls of men. About the time he expressed himself thus, I rebuked him in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by virtue of the holy priesthood, and commanded him to go hence, and he immediately departed out of my sight…” (Miracle of Forgiveness, Spencer W. Kimball, pg 127, 1969)


If you look in the spring 2008 Journal of Mormon History, there’s a researcher who found a 1919 manuscript in the church archives from the papers of E. Wesley Smith, president of the Hawaii mission who tells his brother, Joseph Fielding Smith of an attack on him by Cain, described similarly to David Patten’s earlier sighting. So there’s a long history of the Bigfoot legend being linked to Mormonism.


In 2000 I produced a radio program for a church-owned radio station where the guest was Ryan Layton, a resident of Layton, Utah and one of the country’s experts on Bigfoot. He claims Utah is a “hot spot” for Bigfoot sightings and I was amazed at the number of people that called in claiming to have had an experience. So, I’m going to ask you the same questions I put out that day- do you believe in Bigfoot? Do you believe there’s a Mormon connection? Why is a culture that’s so quick to accept the idea of ghosts and sasquatches, just as fast to dismiss the thought that other religious possibilities may exist? By the way, the photo is purported to be of a "skunk ape," which is Florida's version of Bigfoot. I guess humans aren't the only ones who like to retire there.

I Think I Know How Obama Feels

***If you've already read this, be sure to check out the new comment from the administrator of LDS Blogs--what are your thoughts on his response?***

I submitted my blog to one of the Mormon blog libraries and they responded that it was too “taboo” for them. So I tried another one, got a response, followed their directions and nothing happened. Okay, I thought, I admit to being edgy. In my mind I like to think I’m being honest about the questions and struggles that many people with a Mormon background have. Then I thought maybe a “recovering” Mormon website would list me, nope, seems I’m not “ex” enough for them. So where does a person like me fit in on the spectrum of Mormonism? I’m a seventh generation Mormon from one of the families often mentioned in our history and my name is on the church records, but I admit that over the years (and after some deep research and answered prayers) I’ve become an unbeliever while my husband still liberally practices the faith. That said, I’ll admit that a lot of my life is lived through a Mormon perspective, that in many ways I adhere to some of the tenants (some just make sense) and I could probably lie my way to a temple recommend, but honestly I don’t want to. Where does that leave me?

In Utah it left me branded as being deceived by Satan when I got a different “answer”, someone to be pitied and pursued. Most of the LDS friends and neighbors I grew up with, went to school with, pulled away if I told them about my thoughts. On the East coast it left me with lots of LDS friends who welcomed me no matter my beliefs, some even sharing them. It brought me back to sacrament meeting with my husband and into the nursery with my child. I was part of the community, accepted as I was. Now in the South (and partially in UT) it again has isolated me, brought people to my door with no interest in befriending me, only wanting to save and promote themselves by bringing about my “prodigal son” return.

So what is the identity of a person not Mormon enough to be welcomed into the fold as they are, but not ex-Mormon enough to forget their ancestry and personal past?

Don't Mess With With A Missionary Man

**Update- those of you who chose excommunication as a poll answer were correct as that was the final outcome.

My “Men On A Mission” calendar is currently hanging up in the craft room next to a sign that reads, “Families Are Forever? Oh heck!,” because let’s face it, one begat the other. Today one of my readers tipped me off to a story posted on TMZ.com that reveals that the creator of the chesty missionary calendar is facing a disciplinary council “on ‘his’ behalf.” Click here to read the letter from the stake president.

So, should Chad Hardy the creator of the calendar be disfellowshipped or excommunicated for “conduct unbecoming a member of the church?” In my opinion, no.
I think instead of a disciplinary letter from the church, he should’ve received a thank you note. What his calendar did was show that Mormons, men in particular, aren’t as conservative and awkward as the outside world often believes-- that maybe, they’re actually normal. If you flip through the calendar you’ll see the men show nothing more than if they were at the public pool, if only my old Mormon missionary looked that good when shirtless and oiled!

The other item of note is that the letter stipulates that the witnesses he provides must be members of the church. What if the person who could best defend you wasn’t? What about religious justice? I hope Mr. Hardy does attend the disciplinary council and is as candid about his experience as he’s been with the stake president's letter.

Please, post your opinion, especially if you have another view. If you’ve ever wondered who the “Molly Mormon” is that writes this blog, well hopefully you’ll be seeing a lot of me in Mr. Hardy’s next calendar, Mormon Muffins: A Taste Of Motherhood-- that is if he’s looking for lumpy muffins.

Ghosts In The Graveyard Can't Catch Me

Growing up I was taught to avoid the occult or paranormal, which I did except for ghost stories at girls camp, the occasional visit to a graveyard at night with teenage friends or by playing “light as a feather, soft as a cloud” at slumber parties. But recently I’ve become interested in the paranormal for several reasons. Late one night I found myself watching a show called Ghost Hunters because it was filmed at a location literally down the street from my Rhode Island house. Now I’m a big skeptic so I wanted to know more about the credibility of the two goofs on the show running around in the dark, reporting that’d seen things, and well, I was surprised to learn that one of them, Grant Wilson, was/is a Mormon. I’d be curious to know how this impacts his “ghost hunting.”

Mostly what intrigued me about the program were the “EVPs”- human voices caught on digital tape recorders. My academic background/research is in the communications field and I’ve worked in broadcast for a majority of my career so the idea that it may be possible to communicate in another form has caught my interest. While I’m skeptical of anything I haven’t experienced myself—and no, I’ve never seen a ghost, but I’m open to the possibility. What do you think, are there ghosts? Also, through the lens of Mormonism what did you learn about ghosts growing up? What is the LDS church's doctrine on ghosts as off hand I have no idea! Do you think Grant Wilson of Ghost Hunters would have any conflict by being a Mormon and ghost hunting?

Also, an open invitation to all ghosts, I'm here and I'm ready to talk... if you're even there.

Religion For Sale

I’ve been to Vatican twice and one of my favorite parts of going is to stop at the massive gift shop. I could spend hours musing over all the Catholic trinkets that range from the sacred to the profane, from the cheap to the steep. One of my favorite items is a snow globe with a gaudy-looking Pope John Paul II waving out to the world beyond the domed glass. The first time I went I left the gift shop thinking how disgusting it was that they’d used The Pope and Jesus as a marketing tool to sell everything from T-shirts to backscratchers. Well, fast-forward ten years and picture me walking into a Deseret Book after a decade of reprieve and experiencing those same thoughts all over again. But they aren’t the only ones due credit, it seems for many LDS companies it’s now perfectly acceptable to put the image of Joseph Smith, Christ, a temple, scriptures or any other Mormon icon on some bauble and emotionally sell it at a financial premium. Here are some of the current products available that I find to be egregious.

Joseph Receives The Golden Plates Action Figure $5.95
A sacred moment now “Made In China” from vinyl

$20.99 I know it's a little hard to read but it says, “CTR, Bitches”

Isn’t this the perfect thing to send Tiffany Sue to her first day of 4th grade in?

$14.95 It used to be you’d get out of the font and mom would be waiting with a raggedy towel from home, not anymore, now everything surrounding any LDS event is a sellable product…even a towel.

Well, I’m thinking of cashing in on the LDS product craze myself by making and selling Bobblehead Joseph’s, just think of the marketing—“setting him on your dashboard brings a touch of the spirit to your car.” You laugh at my sarcasm, but give it a few months and someone else will have made one and be living large on the East Bench.

Saving Pennies For Heaven

I’m seventh generation Mormon pioneer stock and as such, a thriftiness gene has been breed into me and most other Utahns. Fighting the urge to be chintzy is a daily struggle, but I often find myself refilling water bottles (also good for environment), refusing to buy any article of clothing that costs over twenty dollars, and only eating out if I have a coupon when we can afford to not scrimp. However, like most people there are items that my wallet seems to fly open for (travel), but that’s not what this entry is about- it’s about the cheapness that abounds in the mountain state and what it says about our values.

For instance, when I got married I received a gift set of mixing bowls and since they were a duplicate, I returned them to “Wally World” only to find they cost $10, and there were five families on the card! My in-laws, the most devout LDS people you’ll ever meet, love bragging to friends about how they only spent $600 bucks on one of their daughter’s weddings, not to mention that I wouldn’t have to strain myself to count the number of times they’ve bought us dinner as opposed to us buying. And don’t even get me started on the small tips they leave and they're both well-paid professionals. Another sign Utahns are penny-pinchers, my friends often pay the babysitter five dollars an hour, one of them for four kids under age eight.

I didn’t realize until I moved out-of-state how bad the culture of cheap was and when we do things like that, it says how little we value other people and their time. Why is type of thoughtless frugality often seen as a virtue in the LDS society? I know that when my in-laws die they plan to donate everything to the church; I guess they’re saving up so what they give is enough to buy them the best place in heaven.

What outrageous acts of cheapness have your seen? Do you think there’s a connection between Utah Mormonism and stinginess?