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***If you've already read this, be sure to check out the new comment from the administrator of LDS Blogs--what are your thoughts on his response?***
I submitted my blog to one of the Mormon blog libraries and they responded that it was too “taboo” for them. So I tried another one, got a response, followed their directions and nothing happened. Okay, I thought, I admit to being edgy. In my mind I like to think I’m being honest about the questions and struggles that many people with a Mormon background have. Then I thought maybe a “recovering” Mormon website would list me, nope, seems I’m not “ex” enough for them. So where does a person like me fit in on the spectrum of Mormonism? I’m a seventh generation Mormon from one of the families often mentioned in our history and my name is on the church records, but I admit that over the years (and after some deep research and answered prayers) I’ve become an unbeliever while my husband still liberally practices the faith. That said, I’ll admit that a lot of my life is lived through a Mormon perspective, that in many ways I adhere to some of the tenants (some just make sense) and I could probably lie my way to a temple recommend, but honestly I don’t want to. Where does that leave me?
In Utah it left me branded as being deceived by Satan when I got a different “answer”, someone to be pitied and pursued. Most of the LDS friends and neighbors I grew up with, went to school with, pulled away if I told them about my thoughts. On the East coast it left me with lots of LDS friends who welcomed me no matter my beliefs, some even sharing them. It brought me back to sacrament meeting with my husband and into the nursery with my child. I was part of the community, accepted as I was. Now in the South (and partially in UT) it again has isolated me, brought people to my door with no interest in befriending me, only wanting to save and promote themselves by bringing about my “prodigal son” return.
So what is the identity of a person not Mormon enough to be welcomed into the fold as they are, but not ex-Mormon enough to forget their ancestry and personal past?
fMh Anniversary
8 months ago
11 comments:
My identity:
Invisible. Our situations are very similar and that is how I feel living in the heart of Mormondom.
On guard. I try to avoid any discussion about my beliefs because my family can only see black and white, no gray.
Sad. Because a large part of me is now unknown to them and must remain that way, at least for now.
Comfortable. I am finally at peace with my beliefs.
It leaves you sad, alone, and shut out. Utah Mormons are definitely different than most. Too many, not all by far, but stiil too many are insular, judgemental, and high and mighty pious. It's wrong. Love one another meant everyone! And it meant unconditionally. Not -- we will be your friend but only if you go to church. It's not right, and it's my biggest complaint.
I was always grateful for wonderful parents who taught me better. My husband is catholic (on easter and christmas - but otherwise worships at the house of fishing and golf) and he is the best man I have ever been with. I love him to peices and my family admits he is the best thing to happen to me and my kids. Never, at any time, ever have they preached to him, pressured him, anything. And never have they treated me different for not being married in the temple, or trying to convert him. It's the one thing that would be guaranteed to drive a wedge. It also makes him deeply respect them and by extension their faith (as long as they try to push it on him). And I wish that everyone else could be like that.
I dont need Relief Society presidents pity, or "helpful" missionary hints. We are fine, just be our friends. I don't know why thats so hard and it's the biggest problem in Utah Mormon culture.
That is one of the many reasons i will NEVER move to Utah or AZ or Southern Idaho... (aka the mormon bubble)
I think I am one of those east coast friends that you talked about, but I am also a Utah Mormon. While living in New England we completely accepted and loved you, and while living in Utah we completely accept you and love you too.
“Utah Mormons” are most of us. We live all over the world. Having at one time lived in Utah didn’t make us less accepting of others. At least I don’t believe so. I don’t like that the phrase “Utah Mormons” has somehow become a derogatory term.
Let’s face it; no one is perfect (besides the Savoir). Isn’t perfection what we are striving for? We haven’t arrived there yet. As we all strive to be better we are learning, sometimes by making mistakes. Those who have mistreated you are making mistakes. You may be a bit defensive and are making mistakes of your own. I don’t know. My hope is that we all try to be better in accepting each other.
I am sorry you are feeling isolated. Maybe there is comfort in knowing that God loves you just the way you are. And so do I.
April, I have been a "Utah Mormon", both in the state as well as out of state. Yes, I am defensive, in many ways. Just today I defended the holiday observance of the 24th of July to a Catholic friend who thought it was ridiculous. This is my culture and my heritage.
On the other hand, since I decided to quietly leave the church I have had to defend my beliefs over and over. For many around me there is only ONE way, and that is the LDS church. As far as God loving me, well, that remains the big question. IF there really is a God I hope he will accept me with or without a current recommend.
Utah mormons make things worse because the have more opportunity to hurt you with they "Christian" love beacause their faith permiates every aspect of life in Utah. Trust me, I lost all but one friend when I resigned and joanne has become somewhat of a social pariah at church. "guilt by association I guess!
Molly,
Which recovering mormon website did you try?
Molly,
I'm sorry you are having a hard time fitting in somewhere on the internet.
The reason why I did not accept your blog on www.mormon-blogs.com was that it was too "taboo" (as you yourself described it). The posts weren't that racy but silly polls on sexual habits and grooming aren't what I want a LDS blogs portal to be linking to. I hope you can understand that.
I felt bad though for not accepting your blog as I have only rejected a handful of submissions out of over a thousand. So I have followed your site to see how it was despite the polls. But now that you admit to not believing in the Church, I feel much better about my decision and don't understand your misrepresentation.
I hope you can find a place where you can feel comfortable. But I also hope you can understand why I decided not to list your blog.
I think you may find some help and support at John Dehlin's site:
If you are struggling w/ the LDS Church….
David,
Thank you for the reply and I appreciate your professionalism on the matter. I have to admit to getting a kick out of the fact that you're reading the blog despite having not posted it!
As far as "misrepresentation"- I think that's up to you to decide as I am still on church records, and some of my family resources go to the church, plus technically the subject matter does deal with LDS issues, however, it's probably not of the faithful audience you're trying to reach, so I understand your rejection.
I'm afraid that I agree with him. I enjoy reading here and would hate to see you tone it down just to fit in with them.
Misrepresentation? My name is still on the records. I have thought about having it removed but due to family pressures I won't. I've also been a card-carrying member of AARP for ten years and am not yet 55(thanks to hubby). Hmmm, come to think of it, I am also a registered Republican just so I can vote in the Utah primaries although I am as far left as you can go. Don't believe everything you read on paper.
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