Going To The Big House

My celestial sex partner and I lead pathetic social lives and so we had no plans this Labor Day weekend. After scouring the newspaper for something to do, we decided to attend the annual home show on the other side of town. Of course the address listed lead us to a Frenchie-sounding neighborhood with a guard shack the size of our city rec. center and a fountain that could double as the community swimming pool. After giving our names and getting the evil-eye from the security guard, we were allowed to move our gypsy camp minivan to where we’d need to buy the overpriced tickets. (proceeds going to charity we rationalized)

I enjoy going to home shows and have gone to many through the years so I’ve noticed some similarities. First, why is it people visiting home shows think they have to be pretentious? I even saw one woman in a sequined top. If you have to buy a ticket to tour someone’s home, just know we won’t think you’re fancy no matter how much you talk on you cell phone and try to look like you’re being imposed upon--we all know you're there to covet like the rest of us.

Now the homes, they were magnificent feats of architecture and I came away with ideas we’re going to implement in our house. The first one we saw had four full kitchens, all outfitted with Viking appliances. I’ve decided we need to do the same thing, except we’ll put them in the kid’s rooms so they can start making their own meals and I’m just dying for more kitchens to clean. The other idea was from the white marble bathroom that had a coffee/cappuccino bar with a fridge hidden in the cabinetry. So, I’m going to move the crock pot onto my bathroom vanity so I can get dinner going while I curl my hair and I’m going to get the minifridge I saw at Costco so my Mormon coffee (Diet Coke) is waiting for me every morning. My CSP pointed out that it’s probably best not to have food/drink nearby when he does his business, so I’ll have to encourage him to use the fan more often.

Overall, we left knowing we’d never make it as “rich” people, but the next morning I did feel a little more motivated to get up and clean the house.