She's Doin' The Nasty With a Coach Bag

***A special thanks to feministmormonhousewives.com for "publishing" some of my past entries. Look for more Celestial Sex posts on that site in the coming months***

In the past few weeks two of my friends have confessed to infidelity. To make it even worse, they’ve both been doing it at the mall. One of them was kind enough to spell out the details of a particularly sordid episode where she admitted to feeling a little low about herself on the day in question, which happens when you’re a woman like us- a mother who puts her children and husband first and who rarely gets the chance to dress up and go out all while watching your youth fade away in the vanity mirror. Plus, some days your kids are more than you can stand so you feel like rewarding yourself for not killing them—yet. So, you run out looking for a not-so-cheap thrill.

“Feeling bad about yourself happens,” I reassured her, “After awhile you start to wonder what’s happened to, well- you, and off to the mall you go looking for redemption only to find temptation. Before you know it, you’ve picked up a new toy, one you’ll put in the closet for a few weeks, then pull out and hope your husband doesn’t notice.” Unfortunately for me, I picked an opinionated metrosexual husband who notices such things. “Yes,” she agreed, “That’s how it started, except now I’m doing it all the time and it’s costing us a fortune. Jake (name change to protect the innocent) wonders why we can barely keep up with the mortgage.”

The experts call what she’s doing financial infidelity and maybe some of you will recognize that you've also got a cheating heart. My friend’s vice is designer bags, but she tells her husband they’re from Target, since he won’t know the difference and she pays all the bills so he doesn’t see those either. Now I’ve had financial affairs, but never with a big-ticket item because, well, I’m too cheap. My secret vice is buying overpriced European chocolate bars and eating them in my minivan before I have to go home and share, but they say chocolate is the gateway to more serious crimes, so I'm trying to stop...So, are you having a financial affair? With whom- Louie V, Versace, Coach? What advice do you give to friend who is stealing her family’s financial future for a fashion season of name-brand vachetta leather rubbing against the side of her chest?