A New Species Found In Utah- The Bald Beaver

For my birthday, I requested an intimate gift- laser hair removal on my bikini line. Lately it seems the advertising for it is everywhere and I’ve sat on the sidelines waiting for the prices to fall, but no more! To look at me, you’d think I was “normal” when it comes to the quantity of hair “down there,” but no it’s not. I found this out the last time I got waxed. I’d also had a manicure, which they cruelly did first, so I wasn’t able to take off my own shorts. When the Vietnamese woman doing the waxing took them off (which felt odd in itself), I heard her gasp, then for the next fifteen minutes I had to endure a lecture in broken English about how I needed to get rid of all the hair so, “husband come home from work.” Then she gave me a wink as she mercilessly ripped it all out while I lay helpless, holding my wet nails up to dry.

It seems some latent gene from my Baltic ancestry decided I would have the curse of the werewolf crotch. I told my husband some guys like a full beaver pelt, and his teasing reply was, “Yeah, and they lived in Communist Russia.” Clearly, something needs to be done. When I asked my friends for referrals, I found out all kinds of things about their body hair that I never would’ve guessed… The most shocking of all was that the most conservative woman of the bunch is now as bald as the day she was born. I’m debating about how ready I am for that, plus anything involving stirrups and a real laser is more than I bargained for outside of the bedroom. On the other hand, it would be nice to never have to think about it again. What do you think- should I join the new species of bald beavers or keep a lady-like landing strip that will need regular lawn maintenance?