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Thanks to everyone for your blog entries! They helped keep the site fresh over the 4th of July holiday while I took a break.
The first post about marriage prep. in the LDS church bothered me because it’s so true. In Utah it seems members of the church tend to get married young (I was 20) and often have speedy courtships (I know one couple that got engaged after two days and are not having trouble), which I think is due to the culture, but more so the goal of staying chaste until marriage. My husband and I agree that having sex was the big push for us to getting married when we did, luckily it's been good for over a decade since there was more to our relationship than raging hormones.
I find it hypocritical that there's a big focus on glossy Ensign story marriages, but the only counseling or guidance you receive are temple prep. courses and those aren't even about marriage but the temple being "sacred" not "secret" as they say. Well, the big secret is how to maintain that temple marriage for oh, say… eternity! What can you expect though when the church has a lay clergy like “Larry the bricklayer,” now the bishop, who isn't prepared (educationally and already has a day job) to do six months of marriage and finance counseling. His marriage seems to be barely floating along and he's probably up to his neck in debt himself, so what’s he got to say that two randy twenty-something’s still living with mom and dad will listen to?
Yes, there is a huge gap between the LDS vision of marriage and the reality. If marriage and the family are one of the church's keystones, then the best way to fix problems is not by focusing a few conference talks and mag articles on how to improve our marriages, but by instead spending our own tithing resources on giving couples the counseling they’ll need to make sure they can face mortality and eternity together. After all, eternity's a long time to spend with someone you married because you were horny without options.
fMh Anniversary
8 months ago
6 comments:
What about LDS Family Services? Aren't they there to provide "professional" counselling that untrained bishops cannot? I mean surely a 24-year-old master's student in psychology and family counselling is better equipped to provide LDS couples the tools they need to make a successful celestial marriage, right? I mean in most cases these therapists have been married at least 2 years.
My husband and I went to family services for counselling and they gave terrible advice. We both thought so and we never went back.
Our problem was my low sex drive and his answer was: "Have sex more often." That is what he literally said. That doesn't get at the root of the issue.
Britta, you're about the fifth person I've heard from in the last few months that's gone for family services counseling and didn't have a good result. I think there's too much of a bias whereas when you go to someone without a shared religious background, they can counsel free of dogma.
While I cannot completely disagree. I must say that I am as well from Utah, and I was married when I was 21. My DH and I have been married for 4 years. And it has been tough. The first year was the hardest. We have had to face problems, and trials. But maybe the difference is... We knew it wasn't going to be easy. We both come from divorced homes, and have been determined not to do the same to ours. It IS NOT the church's fault if one couple gets divorced, and another does not. That's where free agency comes into play. Nothing is ever perfect, and if you are looking for something that is you will be constantly dissapointed.
Don't think anyone was saying it is the church's fault if your marriage fails. We are still responsible for ourselves. It is just that it seems the church puts a stigma on counseling and often seem to say well if you would just be more righteous and more faithful you wouldn't have these problems. Which is not how it works in reality.
I have had a lot of family members who blame the church for their failed marriages, or for things not being wonderful all the time. I have seen so many people fall away because they thought it was supposed to be easy. After my sister went through the whole lets date 1 month, get engaged, get married 3 months later. And a divorce 5 months after that, well, my parents made a rule... That we had to date the person we were going to marry for 1 year. Because people change season to season, and because you should have had your first fight by then, and worked it out. My DH and I were engaged 5 months after we started dating, but we didn't get married for 9 more months. For us it worked. And now I encourage all to try it that way.
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