Is It Just Me?

As I mentioned in an earlier post I’ve become a Facebook addict and have now reached the milestone of one hundred “friends.” (Somebody toot a horn) Most of these are people I knew over a decade ago while growing up in Utah and back then I was your unoriginal “Molly” and I’d dare say only a handful of people in my peer circle were not Mormon. As you know from this blog, that all changed for me after I started working for the church. So, imagine my surprise when I reconnected with people from the past and started to realize a trend—many of them have also become inactive or left the church all together. Today was the biggest shocker when I was “friended” by a kid who was on seminary council with me and was perhaps the most devout Mormon peer I had, but has now listed himself as “agnostic” on Facebook. Another of my reacquainted friends served a mission but according to his profile/photos, is now a big fan of recreational drugs and alcohol (which was sad to read/see). It also seems that recently my celestial sex partner and I have had several friends who we’ve met as we moved that are “coming out” as no longer being believers in the church.

Now this doesn’t mean the church isn’t true- it could have something to do with my generation and the life stage we’re all at, or the area we all grew up in (small SLC/Ogden suburb), the availability of information on the internet, the world being more evil now, we’re getting close to the last days and people are choosing sides, etc. Or, I could be witnessing a trend in church membership with people who have demographics similar to mine.
What do you think? And if there is a trend, how should the LDS church go about stopping this loss of members? What would bring you back if you’ve left?

The Game of Home Teacher Torture

I’m passive-aggressive when it comes to our home teachers. The sisters in the ward gave up on me last year after a once a week letter campaign never bore fruit (my oldest child thought the homemade cards were from grandma and I had fun making up messages since he can't read). So after that failure, the ward sent in the heavy hitters. Now we have home teachers that are members of the Elder Quorum presidency. The two men have yet to visit us as a pair, which works for me because one of them I enjoy debating because he can keep it civil, while the other is just goose stepping his way to the celestial kingdom. The only thing I don’t like about the situation is that my celestial sex partner never remembers they are coming so they always catch us doing the random things couples do on a Sunday night when their small children have gone to bed. Who are these men that spend three hours at church, go to whatever meetings (which I thought weren’t supposed to be on Sunday), and then want to visit us?

The home teacher I’ll actually be present for says he’s fascinated by our “good” marriage because we’re such opposites when it comes to the church, (Translation: If this chick were my wife I'd be outta here!) What he fails to realize is that in this country many marriages are made up of mixed religions, you just have to practice tolerance, communication, and let the other person be who they are. The other reason I get a kick out of this home teacher is that he asks lots of questions which inevitably lead to answers that make his bum cheeks tense and his eyebrows jump. Now that’s my idea of fun and I think my CSP finds it entertaining too. Last month the HT asked why I didn’t go to church. I told him I was testing out the “at home church” pilot program and that so far, I was getting better results than when I sat in the pews. So please Bishop _________ keep the home teachers coming, otherwise we’ll be stuck watching reruns or playing Uno on Sunday nights.

American Idol Comes To Utah

Today American Idol auditions were held in Utah. I'm sad to report I'm now at the age where I don't even know anybody young enough to try out. What I'm most curious about is how the producers will "cast" Salt Lake City. Here are my guesses for what you can expect to see when the show airs the SLC castings.

1- Someone will sing a hymn
2- There will be a girl in polygamy dress
3- A missionary moment- either a testimony being bore or some young fool in missionary dress
4- Lots of color treated hair- skunk stripe highlights, "melts" (my youngest sister is currently sport such a doo), and low-lights
5- Puppets, they can perform at more than family nights
6- Singing siblings, growing up it seemed like there were lots of singing families
7- A whole lotta talent because Utah places great emphasis on having some

What are your guesses?

Your Reaction?

To refresh your memory, Professor Jeffrey Nielsen wrote an op-ed two years ago taking a stance opposing the LDS church's statement on gay marriage which led to the end of his career at BYU. Please leave your reaction to his words.

Open Letter to California Mormons
Jeffrey S. Nielsen

I am a member of the Mormon Church, a married heterosexual, and a supporter of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples. I am asking you to pause and give sincere thought to the letter from our religious leaders you have heard read, or will soon hear read, over our church pulpits asking you to get involved and oppose marriage equality in California. Please think deeply about this, not only as a member of a particular church, but also as a citizen of a democracy.

To press for an amendment to a civil constitution that would legalize discrimination against an entire class of people is no small matter, but of the greatest significance. When the argument, no matter how well intentioned, is based solely upon a religious proclamation; then, I believe, it is a serious contradiction of the wisdom of our founding fathers. It also does tremendous damage to the great progress in civil rights we’ve made in our country respecting the equal dignity of each person and towards a more certain legal equality for all citizens.

You should also know, not all faithful Mormons agree with our religious leaders’ encroachment into political matters. In fact, a growing number of active Mormons, who have gay friends and family members, are coming to the conclusion that our current leaders are as mistaken in promoting discrimination against gays and lesbians as was the Mormon hierarchy in the 60’s when they opposed equal rights for people of color, and our Mormon leaders in the 70’s when they opposed full legal equality for women.

Of course, religious authorities of any denomination possess the right, and may claim the legitimacy, to set the theology and policy for their religious community. When they; however, attempt to interject religious doctrine into the public spaces of a diverse democracy without reasonable justification, then members, especially faithful members, of that religious organization have the civic responsibility to express public disapproval of such dangerous and undemocratic behavior.

No one is asking that you condone a behavior that might violate your religious faith, but we need to allow everyone the freedom to live their life as they see fit, so long as it does not physically harm another person. After all, religious values must be something an individual freely chooses, not something forced upon him or her by the state. We should never allow our constitutions, whether state or federal, to become weapons in a crusade to impose a particular religious value system upon a pluralistic democracy. Today it might be a particular religious value that we affirm, but tomorrow it might be a religious system, which would seek to legislate against our own sincere beliefs. So now is the time to take a stand and keep separate civil and religious authority.

I do not believe that people choose their sexual orientation any more than they choose their skin color or gender. So to discriminate and deny them equal protection and equal opportunity under civil law because of these natural traits; especially in this case, sexual orientation, is grossly unfair and should be rejected outright in a compassionate and just democracy. If anyone could give me a single reasonable argument against marriage equality in our civil society, which doesn’t make fallacious appeals to tradition, misplaced appeals to religious authority, or make some ridiculous claim about nonhuman animals, then I would like to hear it. So far, no one has been able to present me with even a single justifiable reason.

You should know that like you, family and marriage are very important to me. As I have become acquainted with gay and lesbian couples, I have been touched by their goodness, sincerity, and commitment. I am persuaded that allowing marriage equality would, in fact, strengthen the institutions of family and marriage in our country. Perhaps it might even make all of us a little more considerate and responsible as both marriage partners and parents. I can only hope that the citizens of California, and my fellow Mormons, will possess the wisdom and moral decency to reject the call to discriminate against our gay and lesbian coworkers, friends, neighbors, church members, and family.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

Like most Americans I'm a pizza connoisseur, so much so that in 2004 I journey to Antica Pizzeria Port’Alba in Naples which is considered the world's first pizzaria. While the pizza there was rustic and flavorful, it still didn't beat out my favorite- The Pie Pizzaria, located in the basement of the University Pharmacy near the University of Utah. However, for the last few months I've found myself drawn to two offerings from Papa Murphy's- the Gourmet Chicken Bacon Artichoke Delite or the Chicken Mediterranean Delite. If you haven't tried these yet, you're missing out! Please let me know what pizzas of "good report" you've found at home or in your travels.

Hairplugs & Heartstrings

My family with a greater love for church and cheese than I spent last evening at the Mo' Tab & Osmonds concert. When you're filled with the spirit does you face have to take on that fake smile--what do you think David Archuleta? Growing up I thought Marie was beautiful, but now as an adult I think she's sadly strange. I've met Donnie and in person his face and hair have had more retreads than a diesel tire, but he was a nice man. Thanks for fifty years of representing Mormonism, now please go away. The Osmonds are headed to Vegas for a permanent show, click on this pic and you'll see Donnie already looks like Wayne Newton. Who do you think will be the next Mormon entertainment dynasty to last more than a decade?

It's Zion and It Stinks, Literally

***Update- Bountiful, Utah has signed on to start curbside recycling! Click here to read the story http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_10004619

I will always love the mountains of Utah, the feel of downtown Salt Lake City (especially near the U), and the fiery martian landscape of the southern canyons. Yes, it is perhaps one of the most beautiful places on earth. It can also be one of the ugliest and uncared for places and nothing tells the visitor this more than the refineries spilling their smelly plumes into the Salt Lake valley air, the deadly inversion, and the nuclear waste dump they keep loading up. Everyone loves to run around saying, “We live in Zion,” “This is the place,” “We’re a banner unto heaven.” In fact today were celebrating a state holiday for that reason. Well, if it’s such a great place, then why do most of the people living there treat it like, well, sh*#? I’d like to see someone with enough balls (and stamina) to say that at the next conference or whole on television about the parade because like many of you, my pioneer ancestors risked everything that had to reach Utah and turn it into what it was. Now their dominant progeny figure they don’t need to care for it, "Christ will fix all when he comes."

Of all the places I’ve lived, Utahns are the least environmental savvy. Now I’m not saying anyone needs to give up their homes and build a nest by the lake, but is it too much to ask that you throw your paper/bottles/cans into a bin and take them to be recycled? And there’s no curbside recycling because most Utahns are too cheap to pay for it! For the last few years I’ve been trying to get my parents to recycle and they wouldn’t because they claimed there was nowhere to take it…well, problem solved because I logged onto www.earth911.org and found there was a dumpster next to the Walmart less than half a mile away. Now when I come over I’m guessing my mom throws out a laundry basket and scoops some paper into it to humor me.

So today when you’re done standing on the parade route in the spot you’ve been camped out on for two days, please pick up your trash and when you watch the fireworks tonight, think of what makes Utah "the place" and what will keep it that way for the generations to come.

Cain Retires to the Sunshine State

I’ve always been fascinated, yet skeptical of the Bigfoot story. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized the version I grew up with was unique from the rest of the country. In rural Utah Bigfoot was not myth, but a reality linked into God’s eternal plan, something rarely preached from the pulpit but propagated by Mormon culture. As it was told, there were four Bigfoots who were actually the three Nephites (sometimes they are hitchhikers too) and Cain left to roam the earth until the second coming as told in the Book of Mormon. I recall my brother-in-law “bearing his testimony” about his bishop seeing Bigfoot pass through his field as he was tilling back in the early 80’s- at this time there’d been a rash of sightings in our area and coincidentally the “Miracle of Forgiveness” containing the text below was reprinted about that time.


“On the sad character Cain, an interesting story comes to us from Lycurgus A. Wilson’s book on the life of David W. Patten. From the book I quote an extract from a letter by Abraham O. Smoot giving his recollection of David Patten’s account of meeting “a very remarkable person who had represented himself as being Cain.’


‘As I was riding along the road on my mule I suddenly noticed a very strange personage walking beside me… His head was about even with my shoulders as I sat in my saddle. He wore no clothing, but was covered with hair. His skin was very dark. I asked him where he dwelt and he replied that he had no home, that he was a wanderer in the earth and traveled to and fro. He said he was a very miserable creature, that he had earnestly sought death during his sojourn upon the earth, but that he could not die, and his mission was to destroy the souls of men. About the time he expressed himself thus, I rebuked him in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by virtue of the holy priesthood, and commanded him to go hence, and he immediately departed out of my sight…” (Miracle of Forgiveness, Spencer W. Kimball, pg 127, 1969)


If you look in the spring 2008 Journal of Mormon History, there’s a researcher who found a 1919 manuscript in the church archives from the papers of E. Wesley Smith, president of the Hawaii mission who tells his brother, Joseph Fielding Smith of an attack on him by Cain, described similarly to David Patten’s earlier sighting. So there’s a long history of the Bigfoot legend being linked to Mormonism.


In 2000 I produced a radio program for a church-owned radio station where the guest was Ryan Layton, a resident of Layton, Utah and one of the country’s experts on Bigfoot. He claims Utah is a “hot spot” for Bigfoot sightings and I was amazed at the number of people that called in claiming to have had an experience. So, I’m going to ask you the same questions I put out that day- do you believe in Bigfoot? Do you believe there’s a Mormon connection? Why is a culture that’s so quick to accept the idea of ghosts and sasquatches, just as fast to dismiss the thought that other religious possibilities may exist? By the way, the photo is purported to be of a "skunk ape," which is Florida's version of Bigfoot. I guess humans aren't the only ones who like to retire there.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I love satire and so do the maker's of www.JibJab.com cartoons. I wanted to bring to your attention their newest one, which you can "star" in. I uploaded my oldest child's face and while he had no idea what the cartoon was about, he thought it was amazing to see himself as a cartoon.

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

Recently I've seen a lot of people posting these on
their blogs. Since I'd like to remain anonymous, I
decided to see which celebrity Joseph Smith most
resembled. I tried different photos, but this one got
the most masculine results. Personally, I think
Barry Manilow gets my vote for being the closest
physical match. What do you think?

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

I Think I Know How Obama Feels

***If you've already read this, be sure to check out the new comment from the administrator of LDS Blogs--what are your thoughts on his response?***

I submitted my blog to one of the Mormon blog libraries and they responded that it was too “taboo” for them. So I tried another one, got a response, followed their directions and nothing happened. Okay, I thought, I admit to being edgy. In my mind I like to think I’m being honest about the questions and struggles that many people with a Mormon background have. Then I thought maybe a “recovering” Mormon website would list me, nope, seems I’m not “ex” enough for them. So where does a person like me fit in on the spectrum of Mormonism? I’m a seventh generation Mormon from one of the families often mentioned in our history and my name is on the church records, but I admit that over the years (and after some deep research and answered prayers) I’ve become an unbeliever while my husband still liberally practices the faith. That said, I’ll admit that a lot of my life is lived through a Mormon perspective, that in many ways I adhere to some of the tenants (some just make sense) and I could probably lie my way to a temple recommend, but honestly I don’t want to. Where does that leave me?

In Utah it left me branded as being deceived by Satan when I got a different “answer”, someone to be pitied and pursued. Most of the LDS friends and neighbors I grew up with, went to school with, pulled away if I told them about my thoughts. On the East coast it left me with lots of LDS friends who welcomed me no matter my beliefs, some even sharing them. It brought me back to sacrament meeting with my husband and into the nursery with my child. I was part of the community, accepted as I was. Now in the South (and partially in UT) it again has isolated me, brought people to my door with no interest in befriending me, only wanting to save and promote themselves by bringing about my “prodigal son” return.

So what is the identity of a person not Mormon enough to be welcomed into the fold as they are, but not ex-Mormon enough to forget their ancestry and personal past?

Sometimes I Steal Things

I went to Target to have my baby’s photo done, which is always stressful because you have to time a bath, nap, and feeding perfectly then inevitably they will get something on their outfit before the picture. While paying I ended up in a long discussion with the photographer about scrapbooking then I continued on to do my grocery shopping, and by the end both of my children were fussy. At the register the baby was crying and my four-year-old was begging for a nearby junky toy and candy bar that by now he should’ve figured out I have yet to buy. As I got the last item out of my cart, I realized I’d left my wallet back at the portrait studio, so I told the clerk I’d be right back. With both kids whining I ran the cart back only to find two other groups waiting for the photographer who was in doing a session. I waited and waited as the kids only got crankier. Finally I flagged down someone in a red shirt with a radio who said the photographer had taken it to the customer service desk. Another line and more waiting and I was again in possession of my personal filing system. I ran back to the cash register and found there was a new clerk who said the sale had been suspended, handed me my bags, and said I’d have to get back in line. Since the items were things I needed that night, I had no choice but to wait behind two people while pulling ridiculous faces to keep the kids entertained (and me from crying) until finally we were in the parking lot.

It was then that I realized that at the bottom of the cart was the fajita seasoning (.47 cents) for that evening’s dinner and since it was the same color as the cart and I’d gotten distracted, I’d hadn’t put it up on the belt. I thought back to a story I’d heard multiple times at church, something about one of the General Authorities and how he’d mistakenly received two ten cent sodas when he’d only paid for one and how he went and gave it back. I debated for a minute as the kiddie howling from the van intensified. “How much is your integrity worth?” I remembered my primary teacher asking after the lesson. Since I knew I’d never be a prophet, (mostly because I lack a penis) I closed the van door and went home to make fajitas. Sister Hayes, I’d say .47 cents.

I'm As Mad As Hell & I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore

This morning I went to the ear, nose, and throat doctor because I’ve had something going on with my inner ear that’s making me dizzy. I was disappointed to see the office my primary provider had referred me to was over twenty miles away, but I didn’t want to jump through the insurance hoops to get someone else. I arrived on time for my appointment, filled out the mound of forms that required me to supply the same answers three times, then took my seat on a worked-in couch. Immediately I chastised myself for not bring my own reading material because the only offerings were outdated issues of “Hearing Technology” magazine. I looked around at the other patients, noting a majority of them were elderly.

As the minutes ticked by my mental calculator was adding up babysitting and gas costs and I noticed the waiting room was starting to fill up. I watched as one mother made her three boys go sit on the curb outside since there were no seats (it was in the nineties), then men began giving up their seats to incoming elderly patients. I looked at my watch and an hour has passed. I got up and asked the receptionist when I’d be up; she left and came back, “Mrs. Adams you’re up next.” That would be great except that isn’t my name I thought. I took my seat. The nurse came out and announced, “The doctor's running behind so you can either wait or reschedule,” she said in a take it or leave it tone, you could feel the atmosphere of the waiting room turn into a tense one.

I stood up and walked back to the receptionist, “I’m leaving and I’m not rescheduling. I want my chart too.”

“We can’t give you that,” she said in a clipped Asian accent.

“I don’t want you to have my information. It should be like I was never here. It’s my chart and I want it now!” I could feel the eyes of the other patients on me, some silently cheering, others trying to size up how crazy I was.

“Okay,” she said knowing I was on the verge of leaping across the counter and at half my size, she’d have little chance.

I took my paperwork and left. When I got home I read what was in it. Seems my doctor referred me for “dizziness and giddiness.” Worried he thought me a flake, I looked up giddiness in the dictionary and in addition to meaning lighthearted, it’s another word for dizzy. Good thing because there was no giddiness in my voice when I called and told him what I thought of his referral.

Blog On My Blog About Other Blogs

It's been one of those days… I’m hoping you’ll post some links to the other blogs you read and find compelling, gotta keep an eye on the competition. Also, here’s some ideas I’m working on, which one would you like to read next?

1- I’m Christian…Until I Drive
2- Porn, What Is It?
3- We Live In Dirty Zion
4- Strangers In Our Bedroom
5- Great, Now I Get To Read Outdated Ensigns
6- Cain Takes A Vacation

Who Should Own This Word?

I started a light-hearted blog entry on a celestial sex topic, but my mind kept going back to Thursday when the LDS church issued another statement with regard to the term “fundamentalist Mormon,” and other uses of the word “Mormon” as associated with outside groups. As I applaud and support the church’s efforts to distance themselves from these sects, I do not believe they can claim ownership of such a broad word and in fact the U.S patent and trademark office agrees with me as they denied their request for a trademark(except when it’s used for the church’s educational services ). As I’ve mentioned in past blogs, I’ve spent the past three years researching the FLDS church as part of a book and for several decades these “peculiar people” have proudly identified themselves as “fundamentalist Mormons” since they quite literally follow the teachings of Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon to the extreme. So where did the controversial “FM” term come from? Well one source reports that in the 1940’s LDS Apostle Mark E. Petersen (why is there always a middle initial?) coined the phrase the mainstream church is now trying to do away with.

The other element I find fascinating is that I can recall a letter being read from the pulpit in February of 2001 where we were all asked to refer to ourselves at “Latter-Day Saints,” and not “Mormons.” Overnight the “M” word disappeared from our Utah lexicon replaced by “LDS” at every turn. Then on March 6th of the same year while I was working for the church, I received a press release that said we were only to refer to the church by its full name or “The Church of Jesus Christ,” and “the church” on second and shorter references. Again, the word “Mormon” was only said in hushed tones between friendly co-workers, but in the outside world nothing changed and the world went on using "Mormon" as it always had- to describe any follower of Joseph Smith.

So those of you reading this from the plush carpeted top floors of 50 N. South Temple in Salt Lake City, please continue to do your best to distance us from the “renegade sects” festering on the Utah/Arizona border, Texas, Canada, Mexico, Colorado and a few Southern states, but just know the word “Mormon” is something you can’t reclaim after you’ve spent years telling us we should throw it away.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

I don't know about you but I loathe being advertised to in my home, especially through junkmail and telemarketers. They both waste minutes of my valuable time, the junkmail kills trees, and they're both, well, annoying. So earlier this year I decided I was going to do something about it. Here are the three best resources I've found and already I've seen a huge reduction in the amount of advertising we get and the telemarkets have stopped calling!

1- www.Catalogchoice.org All you have to do is sign up- it's free, and when you get a catalog put the info into Catalog Choice's form and they will contact the company to let them know you no longer want to be contact. It takes a few months to kick in, but well worth your effort.

2- www.optoutprescreen.com/opt_form.cgi This is how you let the major credit card companies know that for the next five years you don't want to see any more of those annoying offer letters promising your five-year-old a $1,000 line of credit.

3- www.donotcall.gov Just give them your info and after a few months the calls will stop. This is not a permanent solution so when the calls start up again because your request has expired, you'll need to sign up again.

Why Do This?

While I appreciate hearing everyone's opinions on the “Men On A Mission” calendar, and I have to say some excellent points were made on why this calendar shouldn't have been made- countering my own position, it saddens me to see that some have used my blog to write personal attacks against another person's standing in the church. This shows that tolerance and patience should continue to be preached from the pulpit.

I spent a good part of last night and today wondering if I wanted to continue with this blog, especially when it had the potential to cause so much angst in people’s lives. Why is it we have such a difficult time, particularly in the LDS church, when someone expresses a position different than our own? Is free agency not the very point of our existence?

When I started this blog it was because I wanted to know if I was alone in my thoughts and I now know I’m not, so I’ve decided to continue as in the end I write for no one but myself. If you choose to share my journey, then I welcome you, no matter your choices. Yes, you may find from time to time there are viewpoints expressed by me and other readers that you disagree with—that doesn’t make anyone Satan’s minion- as Mormons, and especially mothers, we’re all just doing what we think is right for ourselves and our families. Aren’t we all stronger members of the church and people in general when we listen to other viewpoints in a world with so much diversity? Who said we all have to agree all of the time? That isn’t how progress comes about. I invite you to move forward with me and ask you to continue posting that we all might find clarity in our lives.

Don't Mess With With A Missionary Man

**Update- those of you who chose excommunication as a poll answer were correct as that was the final outcome.

My “Men On A Mission” calendar is currently hanging up in the craft room next to a sign that reads, “Families Are Forever? Oh heck!,” because let’s face it, one begat the other. Today one of my readers tipped me off to a story posted on TMZ.com that reveals that the creator of the chesty missionary calendar is facing a disciplinary council “on ‘his’ behalf.” Click here to read the letter from the stake president.

So, should Chad Hardy the creator of the calendar be disfellowshipped or excommunicated for “conduct unbecoming a member of the church?” In my opinion, no.
I think instead of a disciplinary letter from the church, he should’ve received a thank you note. What his calendar did was show that Mormons, men in particular, aren’t as conservative and awkward as the outside world often believes-- that maybe, they’re actually normal. If you flip through the calendar you’ll see the men show nothing more than if they were at the public pool, if only my old Mormon missionary looked that good when shirtless and oiled!

The other item of note is that the letter stipulates that the witnesses he provides must be members of the church. What if the person who could best defend you wasn’t? What about religious justice? I hope Mr. Hardy does attend the disciplinary council and is as candid about his experience as he’s been with the stake president's letter.

Please, post your opinion, especially if you have another view. If you’ve ever wondered who the “Molly Mormon” is that writes this blog, well hopefully you’ll be seeing a lot of me in Mr. Hardy’s next calendar, Mormon Muffins: A Taste Of Motherhood-- that is if he’s looking for lumpy muffins.

Who's Cursed By Color?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that everything in life has a yin to its yang and having a roasty tan is no exception. It seems during summer everyone becomes obsessed with getting a tan and who wouldn’t be, we’ve been taught they look healthy and sexy. Personally, I’m a little mixed about the whole thing and here’s why. This past week both my husband and I went to see the dermatologist, luckily I had nothing to complain about except acne breakouts and fine lines (I stay out of the sun), but my leather faced celestial sex partner had to have several items burned and biopsied. However, I must note he enjoyed it because the doctor and nurse are both beautiful women and he said it was like a porno to be sitting on a table in nothing but a hospital gown and to have them probing around his skin—his description, not mine.

Presently I’m considering a spray tan before our vacation, but I’m not sure I want to bare my sagging breasts to some teenager wielding a spray gun, well, unless they can paint my boobs to look they aren’t resting on my stomach and a few abs would be nice. Another alternative that a friend has confessed to using is melatone injections which turn your skin darker…um, yeah, a little too scary and non-FDA approved for me. This highlights how obsessed people can get with being tan.

So, this summer I’ll be unfashionable by slathering on the sunblock---oh, wait! I just read a study that said a majority of sunblocks don’t work and are full of toxic chemicals. When I looked up the spray SPF 70 that I’d just bought for my children, I found it was rated one of the worst on the market. Find yours here: http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/special/sunscreens2008/findyoursunscreen.php

It seems that when it comes to the sun I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I think the scriptures have it all wrong, it’s not those with dark skin that were cursed, it’s those of us who are “white and delightsome.”

Ghosts In The Graveyard Can't Catch Me

Growing up I was taught to avoid the occult or paranormal, which I did except for ghost stories at girls camp, the occasional visit to a graveyard at night with teenage friends or by playing “light as a feather, soft as a cloud” at slumber parties. But recently I’ve become interested in the paranormal for several reasons. Late one night I found myself watching a show called Ghost Hunters because it was filmed at a location literally down the street from my Rhode Island house. Now I’m a big skeptic so I wanted to know more about the credibility of the two goofs on the show running around in the dark, reporting that’d seen things, and well, I was surprised to learn that one of them, Grant Wilson, was/is a Mormon. I’d be curious to know how this impacts his “ghost hunting.”

Mostly what intrigued me about the program were the “EVPs”- human voices caught on digital tape recorders. My academic background/research is in the communications field and I’ve worked in broadcast for a majority of my career so the idea that it may be possible to communicate in another form has caught my interest. While I’m skeptical of anything I haven’t experienced myself—and no, I’ve never seen a ghost, but I’m open to the possibility. What do you think, are there ghosts? Also, through the lens of Mormonism what did you learn about ghosts growing up? What is the LDS church's doctrine on ghosts as off hand I have no idea! Do you think Grant Wilson of Ghost Hunters would have any conflict by being a Mormon and ghost hunting?

Also, an open invitation to all ghosts, I'm here and I'm ready to talk... if you're even there.

Green Tea Here To Stay

Okay, this is the last post I'm going to write related to green tea and the WoW. If you aren't aware of the ongoing green tea saga, please read below"Hot Drinks Until I'm 1oo."

Today I got back my cholesterol results. If you recall, my past results had been high and both doctors I'd gone to suggested cholesterol lowering drugs since it was higher than 200, which I thought was a bad idea so I started looking for alternative treatments. Here are the results for Nov '05, (I didn't go in 06) Oct 07 (after this I started drinking green tea) and July '08.

TOTAL NUMBER 2005- 214 2007- 229 2008- 196

Nine months later and this is the lowest number I've ever had.

HDL (healthy cholesterol) 2005- 67 2007- 66 2008- 64 (should be more than 40)

LDL (lousy cholesterol) 2005- 129 2007- 147 2008- 114 (should be less than 130)

I guess I'll continue to drink my wicked green gentile brew!!

God Told Him I Was "The One"

I’m always a little suspicious when God gives revelation to someone else on my behalf. Such was the case during the summer of 1995 when I was in college and going through what my BFF’s call my “seminary teacher phase.” That summer I was a dating magnet for future seminary teachers and it probably didn’t help that I was taking a heavy load of institute classes, was in the (LDS) Lambda Delta Sigma sorority, attending institute dances at every college, and was determined to catch me a strapping prophet in the making. I’d been dating several guys at the time, but started going out with one guy in particular several times, but it was nothing exclusive. He was a good seven years older than me, was about to graduate, had been student body president at the university, and was an awesome makeout. On the night in question we’d gone down to a “clean” comedy club near BYU, then afterwards I met his parents, and finally a little lovin’ on the family couch. As he was driving me home he kept asking deep questions about my testimony, which I answered with conviction. And then it all went bad. I remember sitting at a red light and him saying,

“What are your thoughts on marriage?” And of course my reply was positive.
“What are your thoughts on marrying ME?” He asked leaving me speechless. I can recall putting my hand on the car door handle and thinking we weren’t going that fast and that I could probably just roll off to the side if I jumped out.

When I didn’t respond his voice took on that shaky spiritual tone you often hear in testimony meetings and he said, “I’ve been praying about us and Heavenly Father has told me that you’re- “The One.” My mind raced between wanting to scream and wondering if Heavenly Father really had told him I should be his wife. “Pray about it and let me know," he said as we sat in the driveway of my parent’s house.
To which I responded,“Peter (fake name), we’ve had a lot of great dates, but I just don’t think I’m ready to marry you.” And he took it really well for a man who’d been talking to God only to find his “chosen” target was uncooperative.

A few days later I went to my sorority meeting. It was tradition that if a girl got engaged we’d have a “rose circle” and that night it was announced that there’d be one. Getting into a circle we started singing the sorority theme song (I know pathetic huh?) while we passed around a red rose, each girl lingering with it to fool everyone else into thinking it was them until it reached “Jessica,” one of my sorority sisters that I knew, but not that well. When it got to her and she refused to pass it on, all of us jumped up and down screaming. Someone asked who the groom was, and she responded with “Peter ______” and my heart sank. So, Heavenly Father does indeed work in mysterious ways and sometimes he gives those he talks to a Plan B.

Of Good Report AND Praiseworthy

In preparation for the summer Olympics the Chinese government is asking that all signs be translated into several languages-- with disasterous results. If you're like me and enjoy language, especially when it's used incorrectly, then check out http://www.engrish.com/ The "buildings" and "signs/posters" sections are my favorite and will easily take an hour out of your day. English will never be the same.

The Ensign- Word of Wisdom, The Research

Okay, I couldn't leave this topic where it was since I keep finding articles about "hot drinks" in various publications, including this month's Ensign, here's what it says, the study The Ensign used as proof caffeine is bad, and the newest research that came out this week:

On Hot Drinks and Caffeine
“And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly” (D&C 89:9).
The consumption of coffee or tea, whether hot or cold, is recognized by the Church as a violation of the Word of Wisdom. Coffee and tea contain substances such as caffeine, which has been linked to disease. While the Word of Wisdom does not specifically mention caffeine, it is commonly understood in the medical community that higher doses of caffeine are associated with infertility, Meniere’s disease (a disease affecting balance), insomnia, sudden infant death syndrome (with maternal consumption in utero), and fibrocystic disease of the breasts. In addition, gastric acid disease (ulcers of the stomach and duodenum) may also be linked to consumption of both caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee, lending credence to the Word of Wisdom’s advice to avoid “hot drinks.” From the perspective of medical science, most investigators who have examined the effects of caffeine suggest that caffeinated beverages should not be consumed in large quantities.6 Cited study- P. Nawrot and others, “Effects of Caffeine on Human Health,” abstract, Food Additives and Contaminates, Jan. 2003, 1–30, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih .gov/entrez/query or I found the full study at http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~db=all?content=10.1080/0265203021000007840

Below is the abstract for the 2003 study The Ensign cites as saying caffeine is "linked to disease" and "lend(s) credience to the WoW advice to avoid "hot drinks", when it clearly says caffeine is good for most adults--- in moderation and if you're not pregnant or a child. While rarely caffeine can cause disease in "at risk subgroups", all of the latest research shows it fights several diseases (see the list in the newest research article, below). Please, read the info. and decide for yourself...like The Ensign said, the WoW was given 175 years ago.

Abstract Used By The Ensign
Caffeine is probably the most frequently ingested pharmacologically active substance in the world. It is found in common beverages (coffee, tea, soft drinks), in products containing cocoa or chocolate, and in medications. Because of its wide consumption at different levels by most segments of the population, the public and the scientific community have expressed interest in the potential for caffeine to produce adverse effects on human health. The possibility that caffeine ingestion adversely affects human health was investigated based on reviews of (primarily) published human studies obtained through a comprehensive literature search. Based on the data reviewed, it is concluded that for the healthy adult population, moderate daily caffeine intake at a dose level up to 400 mg day-1 (equivalent to 6 mg kg-1 body weight day-1 in a 65-kg person) is not associated with adverse effects such as general toxicity, cardiovascular effects, effects on bone status and calcium balance (with consumption of adequate calcium), changes in adult behaviour, increased incidence of cancer and effects on male fertility. The data also show that reproductive-aged women and children are 'at risk' subgroups who may require specific advice on moderating their caffeine intake. Based on available evidence, it is suggested that reproductive-aged women should consume ≤ 300 mg caffeine per day (equivalent to 4.6 mg kg-1 bw day-1 for a 65-kg person) while children should consume ≤ 2.5 mg kg-1 bw day-1.

Here's the link to the most recent study that was on the newswire, you can click to read the actual research from the Annals of Internal Medicine. "Study Pours On The Good News For Coffee Drinkers" It says 5-7 cups a week is good for you and lists all the positives and negatives of coffee drinking.
http://www.star-telegram.com/living/story/740786.html

While I don't drink coffee because I wasn't raised to and well, it tastes nasty, please let me read accurate research and use my free agency without religious punishment!

From Here to Eternity

Thanks to everyone for your blog entries! They helped keep the site fresh over the 4th of July holiday while I took a break.

The first post about marriage prep. in the LDS church bothered me because it’s so true. In Utah it seems members of the church tend to get married young (I was 20) and often have speedy courtships (I know one couple that got engaged after two days and are not having trouble), which I think is due to the culture, but more so the goal of staying chaste until marriage. My husband and I agree that having sex was the big push for us to getting married when we did, luckily it's been good for over a decade since there was more to our relationship than raging hormones.

I find it hypocritical that there's a big focus on glossy Ensign story marriages, but the only counseling or guidance you receive are temple prep. courses and those aren't even about marriage but the temple being "sacred" not "secret" as they say. Well, the big secret is how to maintain that temple marriage for oh, say… eternity! What can you expect though when the church has a lay clergy like “Larry the bricklayer,” now the bishop, who isn't prepared (educationally and already has a day job) to do six months of marriage and finance counseling. His marriage seems to be barely floating along and he's probably up to his neck in debt himself, so what’s he got to say that two randy twenty-something’s still living with mom and dad will listen to?

Yes, there is a huge gap between the LDS vision of marriage and the reality. If marriage and the family are one of the church's keystones, then the best way to fix problems is not by focusing a few conference talks and mag articles on how to improve our marriages, but by instead spending our own tithing resources on giving couples the counseling they’ll need to make sure they can face mortality and eternity together. After all, eternity's a long time to spend with someone you married because you were horny without options.

Blog On My Blog

This is it, your chance to tell us all what's on your mind. You get to write today's blog entry--try to keep it 200 words and on a "taboo topic related to motherhood or Mormonism," and those depraved souls who read (and write) this blog will give you our feedback. Just post your entry like a comment and those posting feedback please identfy which post you're responding to. And yes, you can post as anonymous, but just remember the one thing I've asked you to do in the Welcome! message....please don't post anything so bad I have to call your mother.

When Bad Things Happen To Bad People

The last few days I’ve been working through some thoughts on the unfortunate events that are a part of everyone’s mortal living. I make it no secret that I’m not the best Mormon, nor do I want to be and several family members who are more devout, not to mention seminary teachers and bishopric members, really dislike that about me. So, often when negative things happen in my life, and so far they’ve all been health-related having nothing to do with our family’s lifestyle choices, just the randomness of biology, I get a strange vibe from some people. Their off-hand comments have led me to believe that they think we somehow deserve to be punished. Is it just me or is this somehow a perspective brought on by the Mormon culture? Just as God grants blessings to those who practice a certain outline of obedience, he can zing those who have different ideas of faithfulness ? I’m not sure, it could just be them, but where would they get this? It all strikes me as, well, a little Medieval. Remember in your history class when they talked about the dark ages and how they thought mentally ill, handicapped, or ugly people were being punished by God for their sins---well, sometimes I can relate and it’s been over a thousand years.

Hot Drinks Until I'm 100

I have always followed the Word of Wisdom, even eating meat sparingly, but in the last year after finding that no matter what I ate or how much I exercised that my cholesterol levels stayed high, so much so that my doctor wanted to put me on medication, I started looking for alternatives to the drugs. What I learned was that in all the latest studies they have found overwhelming benefits to drinking green tea, something many centurions have in common. My mother started drinking green tea a few years back and has seen a significant reduction in her cholesterol levels, so I braced myself and brewed a cup, adding lots of Splenda. Now almost a year later, I look forward to two daily cups of green tea and I’ve also found a connection to my English grandmothers who are/were defiant Earl Gray tea drinkers. On Wednesday I go in to have my yearly cholesterol test and I’m curious to see the results!

My celestial sex partner and I have ongoing debates about the Word of Wisdom. While he says he has no problem with my tea drinking, I know he thinks his 4-can-a-day Diet Coke plus Red Bull habit is religiously superior. Just last night we got to discussing the merits of coffee and tea and he said the WW specifically calls them bad, but upon my disagreement we raced to the book shelf and found I was correct, the verbiage is “hot drinks,” which was not clarified until a later date when historical records show JS himself was not being a strict observer by using coffee, tea, and wine. Plus, I think the health information we have has evolved from 1833 when this “recommendation” was first revealed and became more culture than doctrine.

So yeah, there are many things that will knock me out of the celestial kingdom, but don’t you cola drinkers and large folks go around wagging your fingers at me- at least my rule breaking might lead to my living until 100.

7/4/08- With regard to this topic, I saw this news story today http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20080704/hl_time/doesgreenteahelptheheart